A few months after the birth of her son, Grace Tracy Bayiga lost her sister, Catherine Bulyaba, after childbirth.

Being the only sister in the country, the responsibility to take care of the newborn baby was left to Bayiga. She shares her story.

On September 4, I received a call at about 6:30am, informing me that my younger sister, Catherine Bulyaba, was in labour at Kawempe Hospital, Kampala.

At about 11:00am, I managed to find my way to the labour suite.

Bulyaba had just given birth. I waved at her and she smiled back.

I signalled to her that I would return to see her during the visiting hour.

On my way out, I met our mother. We agreed to come back later.

I returned to my home in Namugongo. However, before I could even set foot in my compound, I received a phone call from a woman who was attending to my sister.

She was asking me to return to the hospital immediately.

She said Bulyaba was bleeding profusely and was being taken to theatre for an operation and that they needed consent from her relatives.

Unable to make it in time, I called my mother and told her to rush back to the hospital.

Sadly, 40 minutes later, my mother called telling me that Bulyaba had died.

It was unbearable, but we had to accept the situation and started making burial arrangements.

Amid that confusion, there was no mention of the baby. Sometimes, when a mother dies, people think the baby is dead, too.

I asked the nurse who was attending to my sister to go and pick the baby from the nursery.

It was then that family members started asking who would take care of the child.

Besides my sister who lives in Germany, I was the only one available, so, I volunteered.

When baby Abigail was handed over to me, it was heartbreaking that Bulyaba had not lived to cuddle, breastfeed and raise her daughter.

She had three boys before Abigail. While the body was being taken for burial, my partner, Patrick, and I took Abigail home.

From the time she was born, she had not breastfed, so, she was hungry. I was confused about what to do.

I managed to mix some glucose in warm water and fed her. I called some doctors for advice.

The first doctor advised me to feed her on formula. We immediately got some formula and fed her.

Bayiga is a mother of three and her youngest, Eli, turned eight months last year in November.

Naming the baby

The baby was named Abigail Catherine Sanyu. My sister had a baby shower two days before her death.

On that day, she named her unborn baby Abigail.

Her brothers said their sister should take one of their mother’s name because she was the only girl.

The name Sanyu was given to her by her father, who was in the US at the time.

He said, amid the tears, the baby, being the only girl, had brought joy to the family.

Breastfeeding

The day after the death of Bulyaba, I called Dr Speciosa Wandira Kazibwe, the former vice-president and shared the sad news. (Grace works with Dr Kazibwe on a Bukedde TV show Sayansi W’obulamu).

I explained my dilemma about feeding the newborn.

Dr Kazibwe encouraged me to breastfeed the baby. I immediately put Sanyu onto my breast, she started suckling and it was a natural feeling.

At first, I was worried that she might reject my breast milk, but she responded well.

I have been breastfeeding her since then. She gained weight from 3.9kg at birth, to 5.5kgs now. She made two years on November 4, 2020.

“Breastfeeding two babies would not be an issue because women breastfeed twins. But the most challenging bit is breastfeeding a baby whose mother has passed away.

Nursing Sanyu from day one has been an emotional journey for me. When she is breastfeeding, she looks at me with an innocent smile, but my heart bleeds with pain.

I keep asking God why he did not give Bulyaba a chance to raise her. Nonetheless, I am glad that I could take over her role despite the circumstances.

“The other painful bit is what I will tell her when she grows up. I know that day will come and I wonder how I will tell her that she was born on the day her mother died. There are nights I watch Sanyu sleeping peacefully and I sob, questioning whether I am doing a good job.”

Making room

“Although Sanyu came into the family abruptly, I did not struggle to shop for her and we did not have any trouble adjusting. We had enough clothes and feeding accessories that had been provided during my baby shower.

People gave me gifts in doubles. I have come to accept that probably God awarded me this responsibility long before it happened.

As I received the gifts, people branded me ‘mother of twins, even though, I was carrying one baby. Besides, there were so many outfits that my son, Eli, had outgrown.

The only thing that we lacked was a baby cot. Luckily, I called the father and he provided money for it. We also had to adjust our bedroom for Sanyu’s bed.

Sanyu being younger, we have nicknamed her Nakato and Eli Wasswa. So, when it is time to breastfeed, I start with Sanyu.

She needs sufficient breast milk since she does not like formula. Eli breastfeeds and, later, he is bottle-fed.

My breast milk reduced after the death of Bulyaba because I was stressed. So, I chose to supplement with formula. I do not have a breastfeeding pattern.

I feed them in turns when they get agitated. At one point, Abigail would cry so much and the only way to soothe her was to put her on the breast.

Following the death of my sister, I lost my appetite. I also cannot stand porridge, but I make sure I have three meals a day, with plenty of tea, to aid the production of breast milk.

In the mid-afternoon, I take a bowl of fruits, preferably my favourite, pawpaw.

Sleeping patterns

Our sleeping pattern changed. I am glad my partner is supportive. Upon arrival from work, I focus on breastfeeding and bonding with the babies.

My partner helps me to bathe them at 9:00pm and by 10:00pm, we have fed and put them to bed.

Abigail sleeps faster, probably because she is younger. Around the same time, I also go to bed.

But Sanyu is a light sleeper and she wakes up in intervals of an hour. By the time it clocks 1:00am, I have woken up several times and she insists I breastfeed her.

Around the same time, Eli also wakes up, but my partner is always available to help bottle-feed him.

By the time we put our heads down to sleep, the alarm is going off and I have to get ready for work.

I have not had proper sleep since Sanyu came into our lives. I look forward to sleeping comfortably when the babies make a year.

On weekends, I take afternoon naps as my partner takes over.

However, even then, I hear the babies crying. The inadequate sleep is affecting my health and my blood pressure is beginning to rise.

People advise me to stay home and rest, but I have a home to run.

It is challenging to balance work and two babies, but my employer has been supportive.

I pick assignments for the week and work from home the rest of the days.

Family support

My family, especially my partner, is very supportive. When I delivered Eli, I did not have a maid.

I relied on help from my children and sister-in-law. But when Sanyu came on board, I had to get a house-help.

I do not know what the future holds, but it will be challenging. It is hard taking care of two babies. My only prayer is that they do not fall sick.

What it takes to be a wet nurse...

Dr Sabrina Kitaka, a senior consultant paediatrician, says a woman can breastfeed a baby that is not biologically theirs, a practice she termed wet nursing.

She says wet nursing has been practiced for centuries.

“Wet nursing may be applied where the biological mother dies during birth, shortly after or is not available to breastfeed. In such circumstances, the baby can be breastfed by another mother, who could be either be a relative, friend or a stranger,” she says.

Kitaka notes that the idea of a breast milk bank rose from the theory of wet nursing — that if a mother has excess milk, she can donate it to another child who does not have any.

Dr Gonzaga Andabati, a senior consultant gynaecologist at Bethany Women and Family Hospital, however, says the only danger would be if the nurse has an infection or is on treatment that would affect the baby.

He says, in the era of HIV, precaution must be taken to ensure that the mother intending to wet nurse is in good health and nutritional state.

This requires testing for HIV and taking a general health check-up. Andabati further explains that wet nursing provides benefits, such as anti-bodies, to help the baby fight infections as well as increases bonding between the baby and the wet-nursing mother.

“The child grows to depend on the new mother. It would be devastating for the baby if the woman gives up nurturing after bonding,” he cautions.

Childcare experts say a woman who is not currently breastfeeding can successfully carry out wet-nursing, provided they frequently attach the baby on the breast.

Breast milk production depends on how much stimulation is done, for instance, the frequency of the baby suckling the breasts, Dr Jolly Nankunda, a senior consultant paediatrician and neonatologist at the Specialised Women and Neonatal Hospital Mulago, says.

“The moment the baby is put on the breast and it sucks, a message is sent to the pituitary gland in the brain and the breasts start to produce milk,” Nankunda notes.

“Additionally, for sufficient breast milk production, the mother should eat a balanced diet and avoid stress.”

Dr Kitaka says a mother intending to wet nurse should be psychologically ready to accept the baby as her own.

“She should also have the love for the child and exhibit some parenting skills. Also, disclosure is encouraged as early as four years,” she advises.

Otherwise, if the child was not told and comes to learn of it later in life, it may confuse them.