What women want: Part II

By Hilary Bainemigisha 
baihiljoe@gmail.com

In our previous article, we explored what women want from a husband, in commemoration of this women month. Women said they wanted to be given, consulted and supported.

They also said they wanted good leadership and honesty from husbands. I carefully placed them in context to make us, men, better lovers by the end of this month next week. I am sure, many of us are halfway there. Today, we continue with the rest of the women’s preferred harvests from a husband.

Bemarried: Women said many husbands want to still live their lives as if they are single. If you are married, live like one. Don’t continue flirting, having exclusive plans, plots and hanging out daily alone. Don’t stay late with the boys and sometimes fight in brawls.

You now have a principle stakeholder — plural if you include children and anything that affects you will include them. Use ‘our’ more and stop ‘my’ in as many references as possible. Our house, money, investments, children etc.

Have a hunger: Women are wondering what problem there is expressing a wanting and yearning for your wife. Women want to feel wanted, needed, desired, lusted after, hungered for, etc. Their femininity will cause them problems if you start taking them for granted. They want you to show some impatience when you want her; it makes her feel magnetic. 

Trust them: Many husbands have secrets about personal resources, investments, plans, etc, which wives know nothing about. Many a time, when a husband dies, the family suffers without access to family resources.

They want husbands to trust them with their secrets, money, plans and even fears. Sharing means you hold them dear enough and can open up your hidden world to only them. Remember, the quest for exclusivity is central in femininity. 

Create time: Husbands seem to be too busy and distracted to be with their wives. In the end, they don’t know their wives’ body, sensitive places, feelings, anxieties and plans. And don’t always invite crowds along when you take her out. Often she needs more frequent non-sexual meetings to bond more with you.

Know her: Women said it pleases them when a husband shows how he knows and understands his woman, her character, likes, hobbies, interests, ambition, tastes, etc. It is great when you actually brag about it in public, but only if you are right. Be able to buy her stuff without consulting her and being spot-on with the choice. In the bed, know her switches and preferences in various scenarios of lovemaking, so that there is a limit on the need to use words. 

Take them out: Being seen out together and sharing leisure is relieving, memorable and rejuvenating. Husbands who do this usually go to bars or trips and tourism. But women extended the outings even to non-leisure places, where you publicly treat her as your wife. When families face financial challenges, outings become the first casualties on the budget, yet this investment pays dividends in strengthening the relationship to handle doldrums easily. 

Remember anniversaries: Okay, men are naturally forgetful. But there are important days in a woman’s life that you must remember or be deemed disinterested. They include her birthday, wedding anniversary and first-time sweet-nothings like when you first kissed or made love. If you can’t remember, write the days down or set reminders, thanks to technology. 

Surprise her: Women said they hate boring men but, more so, routine guys. Predictability is comfortable, but not exciting. Men who surprise them with gifts, calls, outings and other innovations, especially when there is no anniversary to celebrate or day of obligation like Valentine’s Day, are spot on. The gift is great and when accompanied by such elements as surprise, it becomes grater. 

Hilary Bainemigisha

Show gratitude: Women want to be praised for one thing or the other; what she is, has done, said or represented, especially in the hearing of other people. Appreciate her looks, food, style, dress, changes, efforts and etc. Tell your friends and relatives what a great person she is and how you thank God for her. 

Respect her: Society already knows that men are the natural heads of families, so there is no need to move around proving to the world that you are the boss. Show respect before the public, the private and especially at home, where children may be listening in. Show some chivalry, allow her to speak, don’t judge her or use demeaning responses. In short, show her she matters most in this world. 

Love harmony: It may not be humanly possible to be at peace at all times, but working towards it and avoiding conflict is a mark of love in the eyes of a woman. But above all, during times of conflict, don’t let the outside world know. Keep the semblance of harmony in the same way she does when she is at bursting point. And when push comes to shove, quarrel as if you want the relationship. Avoid what can have a lasting damage when the dust has finally settled. 

Do listen: Many husbands don’t give their wives a chance to talk and when they do, don’t listen and give an impression that the wife is over-talking when they want to rest. Apparently, women have their quota of words to say per day and if you constantly refuse to listen to them, they may find their way to another ear that you may not be comfortable with.

For most women, talking is therapy, communication and connection, while listening is care and concern. However, it should not only be about listening without talking back and having a meaningful conversation. Women want you to talk to them, make them laugh and let them be able to quote you among friends. They ranked a man who is easy to talk to and with high up there. It is a foundation of communication.

Be her captain: Women love it when you are a principle part of their life. But to be this, you must be available and play a big role in her life. If you cannot be up there with her dad, be the second most important man. Their psyche evolved by having a man whose role was a provider and protector.

Make sure you become her first SOS, point of call, dependable reference point whenever need arises. If a fl at iron, radio, car, or any other gadget fails to work, provide solutions. This implies that you must learn the basics like changing a bulb, repairing home gadgets, as well as finding experts for her in cases of extreme breakdown. As a man, you must have friendly contacts of such experts as Police, doctor, mechanic, lawyer, and even a bodaboda man who can be snapped out to carry emergency assignments. 

Make her priority: Women want to feel priority in everything, from plan to implementation. Make her priority in your plans, offers, movements, sharing and everything. Some women consider it cheating when you share your secrets with another woman. This gets trick when your mother is in the picture. Whenever it is not feasible, she needs to know why she should cede her position and very politely.

Sharing everything: As a couple, you find yourselves sharing many things. But this default must extend everywhere. And modern women want it to include work and responsibilities too. They said men who sit by the TV as the wife slaves herself around are not so lovable. 

Respect her space: However, there are spaces of privacy that a woman will want you to respect. As they respect your spaces, recognise that she also needs her me-time where she can physically take care of herself. Leave her the chance to find me time. I beg to submit because this is enough to make you a good and lovable husband. The implementation is yours. You are at liberty to protest but, remember, these are not my views; I got this from the horse’s own mouth.