Learn to make women happy

By Hilary Bainemigisha 
baihiljoe@gmail.com

The only thing separating this world from total bliss is failure to make women happy. There is no limit to expectation from a happy contented woman. 

And, very often, that is all it takes to make a marriage vibrant, a home happy and a family business successful. Many men make their wives sad and, then go shopping for another woman to please. 

They remain oblivious of the fact that they are donating the harvest destined for their home to someone else in exchange for those fleeting moments when they are in their infidelity district. 

Why can’t it all be located in one home? Yours! Women’s Day came and went; what have you learnt? If you are a woman, what has your femininity taught you about your privileged advantage over others? 

How do you plan to use your femaleness and emancipation gains to floor, manage and outpace men in the quest for love, attention and respect? 

How about you men: What, in the femininity of women, will you look out for to make your marriage or love better, life easier and less quarrelsome? We consider the whole of March to be a month of women; so, it is not too late to learn. 

A woman is like a forest; most men go there for just the harvest of timber. They are so focused on the timber that they ignore the other offers of the forest. 

The forest simile 

A forest also has fruits of all kinds, medicinal leaves, barks and roots, food, shade, streams and soothing ambiance for a calming rest. The chirping birds, monkey calls, hissing insects and creeping plants can be useful for appeasement, tourism and education purposes. 

Yet when many men enter the forest, they go directly to the timber, cut and get out! What a pity that your singly inclined approach does make you miss out on all the forest potential! 

This happens for the women too, but let me concentrate on men for this time because we must learn from the women’s month. Why do men often ignore the feminine wit, wholesome world perception and motherly instinct afforded to them naturally for child upbringing? 

It would ably complement their instinctive aggressive approach to manage the world. Women, being the custodians of life, are designed to be more interested in the well-being of others. But we must give them a reason to nurse us like our own mothers.

Marriage gives you that opportunity. But we still have husbands who don’t know their wives! The lumbering man just goes in with a saw. He cannot realise that his wife’s skin has tens of specific start buttons littered all over and that it is different from one person to the other.

If he opened up his focus onto the whole forest, he would discover these spots, learn the useless footpaths leading nowhere, and also how not to get lost in the forest. 

Even if it wasn’t about discovery of switches, lying in a woman’s arms just to listen to her gentle soft cool voice, can single-handedly caress your soul. 

That sense of tranquility and peace can be so energising that you find your other life obligations much less demanding. Why do you think some men do just about anything for their women; including — but not limited to selflessly spending entire salaries on them, watching a movie together during the time of Premiership, eating an entire pork lusaniya by themselves, and/or building the parents-in-law houses when their own parents are living in shanks? 

It is because they have used the feminine system and cannot stop themselves from rewarding and rewarding. In love, women seek care, support, intimacy, connection and assurance of the future. Give her that and she will be motivated to be loyal, caring and understanding.

Hilary Bainemigisha 

Understanding women 

There was a humorous illustration about understanding women. The guide used half a page to explain men. But for women, it was a book that needed a ladder to climb upon in order to read it all. 

That implies that women are very difficult to understand. And incidentally, funny enough, women too believe men are too difficult to understand! How frustrating! Yet it just takes my new book to understand the few basics and stop criticising each other. 

Many men blame women for talking too much, poor time management, being too sensitive, peddling rumours, not initiating sex enough, thinking about money all the time, and etc. 

A woman is designed by her biology and psychology to give priority to beauty in order to radiate femininity. They have to talk a lot because of their urge to communicate and show emotions in their effort to care. 

Their cultural upbringing and socialisation make them concerned about people in their sphere because they are caucusing people. They may not initiate sex unless their psyche is in sync, or if it is transactional or a manipulation strategy and, especially today, when they are feeling empowered. 

All I can say to men is that you will get it wrong when you analyse your woman using your male standard. Don’t compare yourself to her because you are male and she is female. This is as different as NRM is from NUP. 

You may not understand an angry wife who wants to leave a function because she found a fellow woman putting on the same outfit. Her femininity stresses exclusivism and uniqueness. 

She may surprise you with outrage when you keep spewing out solutions to the problems she is talking about. You don’t know she only needs a listening ear. 

She may not mind your physical attractiveness because her motherly instinct demands for a partner of status and resources. Or, at least, potential! Women are naturally wired to caucus and this helps them in later roles of child rearing, which are demanding and protracted. 

The success of family depends on her ability to muster loyalty from members. 

If you want a shortcut to her heart, identify the members of her caucus and be relevant to them; her friends, relatives, parents, children. The quickest way to a single mother’s heart is to love her children. 

Once we appreciate our differences, we transform this knowledge into a skill, take advantage of the differences, ensure they don’t bring conflict and become much better and more competitive in dealing with each other. 

Do not judge the differences or try to change them; just get along with them. The strategy I gave in my book is; Know the differences, accept, expect and respect them. 

The money instinct  

Many men complain that women are money-minded. During one of the talks in the Valentines week, one young man said the key to a woman’s love is to have money. 

True if you want to vulgarise the argument. But this can be explained in a sane manner. Humans evolved with gender roles; men being providers and protectors, while women were producers and nurturers. 

Today, times have changed, the family is no longer solely dependent on a man for survival and many women no longer stay home as nurturers. But because of that evolution factor, women will tend to prefer males who are able and willing to provide resources and protection for them and their offspring. 

The yearning for being cared for has bred women’s economic dependence on men in many societies, to the extent that women will approve of sex more in relationships providing economic security, even when they are casual. 

Generally, successful relationships are not those where there is money, romance and no infidelity. They are those where the man keeps on impressing the woman with his cunningness and ability to provide for the family’s needs, while the woman knows how to magnetise her man and nurture her family. 

As a man, you need to impress a woman as her problem solver. For this, have a network of problem solvers in such vital areas like police, health, administration, motor mechanics, electricals, plumbing and fixing things. Whenever she has a problem in these areas, be able to call your networks for intervention. 

But do this without donating the power to others. First, get to know some basics about systems, connections and gadgets. You cannot always call for help when a flat iron can’t work, some fuse blows, a bulb needs to be fixed or a car cannot start. 

At least do some diagnosis first before recommending an expert. That makes you dependable.