Bride and Groom Expo
Prepare for the marriage, not just the wedding, experts urge
Relationship specialists warn that while couples invest heavily in creating the perfect wedding day, few devote the same time and effort to the emotional, psychological and practical preparation needed for a lifelong partnership.
The repositioning talk by Miriam Mbabaali
By: Richard Ategeka, Journalist @New Vision
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Engagement often begins with excitement over venues, dresses, invitations, décor, photography and celebrations. But beneath the glamour of wedding planning, experts say many couples overlook something far more important: preparing for the marriage that begins after the ceremony.
Relationship specialists warn that while couples invest heavily in creating the perfect wedding day, few devote the same time and effort to the emotional, psychological and practical preparation needed for a lifelong partnership.
Speaking at the Bride & Groom Expo at the UMA Show Grounds in Lugogo, Mariam Mbabaali, a lawyer and trauma-informed relationship practitioner, said many engaged couples focus too much on the wedding and too little on the marriage itself.
Kemi Omeke, founder of Pink Coconut and a bespoke wedding planner
“I believe engaged couples spend too much time planning the wedding and too little time designing the marriage,” she said.
According to Mbabaali, couples should have honest conversations long before saying ‘I do’. They should talk about their values, purpose, finances, conflict, family expectations, faith, mental health, career ambitions and children. They should also discuss what they have learnt from previous relationships and what they fear most about marriage.”
Have the difficult conversations
Mbabaali said one of the most important questions every couple should ask is: What kind of marriage are we intentionally trying to build? “A successful marriage is not something we find; it is something we consciously create,” she said.
She warned that many people enter marriage carrying unresolved emotional baggage. “Childhood experiences, unresolved trauma, grief, betrayal and unhealthy relationship patterns often become silent participants in the marriage.”
She challenged the common assumption that people marry only the person standing before them. “We don’t just marry the person; we also marry the experiences, wounds, fears and coping mechanisms they carry.
She added that while many people prepare to meet their future spouse, very few prepare to understand themselves. “Many people prepare to meet their spouse, but very few prepare to meet themselves. Healing should not be postponed until there is a crisis. It is part of preparing for marriage.” Drawing on her experience as both a lawyer and therapist, Mbabaali said many relationship breakdowns could be prevented through emotional awareness and intentional preparation before marriage.
She said a successful marriage in today’s world is not measured by appearances or social media. “A successful marriage is not one that looks perfect online. It is one where two people continue to grow together while remaining emotionally safe for one another.”
According to Mbabaali, lasting marriages are built on trust, respect, shared values and intentional communication. “Success is measured less by the absence of conflict and more by the ability to repair, reconnect and keep moving forward together.”
Her message to engaged couples was clear. “Before you prepare to meet your spouse, prepare to meet yourself. Ask what you are bringing into the marriage besides love, whether it is unresolved pain, fear, anger or healthy patterns of relating.”
She cautioned against expecting a partner to heal emotional wounds. “Marriage is not designed to heal every wound we carry. Do the inner work. Heal what can be healed. Don’t ask your future spouse to become your therapist.”
Planning protects the couple
Kemi Omeke, founder of Pink Coconut and a bespoke wedding planner with more than 20 years' experience, said proper planning protects not only the wedding but also the couple's wellbeing.
“A planner doesn't just plan a wedding. A planner protects the marriage,” she said. According to Omeke, poorly organised weddings often leave couples overwhelmed, stressed and unable to enjoy one of the most important days of their lives.
“In one scenario, everyone has access to the bride and groom, decisions are chaotic, and the couple spends the day solving problems instead of enjoying the moment. In another, there is structure, clear responsibilities and controlled access to the couple.”
She advised couples to establish boundaries well before the wedding day. Only approved people should have access to the bride and groom on the wedding morning.
Visitors should be limited so the couple can focus on what truly matters. Omeke said planning should begin months in advance, with realistic budgets, clearly defined responsibilities and practical expectations. “Six months before the wedding, there should already be structure - who makes decisions, how many guests are realistic and what budget is available.”
She also urged couples to treat planners and other service providers as professionals. “We are not just assistants. We are professionals with significant responsibility. Vendors should be respected and paid for their time and expertise.” As couples continue planning weddings filled with beauty, celebration and tradition, experts say the most important preparation is often the least visible -preparing for the marriage itself.