Romance wanes with time

Mar 27, 2009

<b>Rachel Senkebeja</b> is a director, Simba Sounds Band. She is one of the few females who play the bass guitar in kampala. She has been married to Tony Senkebeja, a fellow director for 34 years. She talked to Maureen Nakatudde about her marriage.

Rachel Senkebeja is a director, Simba Sounds Band. She is one of the few females who play the bass guitar in kampala. She has been married to Tony Senkebeja, a fellow director for 34 years. She talked to Maureen Nakatudde about her marriage.

Married in 1975! How would you evaluate your marriage?
The relationship grows into friendship and partnership. The other person is like your right hand and you are the left hand or vice versa. So you need both hands to stay together and carry on with life. There have been problems of course, but when someone does something, I don’t want to keep to it. I confront it there and then. On the other hand, my husband is an introvert. When you do something bad to him, he won’t tell you. Instead, he will just keep quiet until you figure it out yourself and apologise. I don’t like it but I have learned to be patient with him. I have also slowed down on my confrontations since I have discovered it is not always good to speak your heart out. In marriage, you take the good things and leave the bad ones. You also become patient about the bad things and about what the other person does.

What is the secret of your success?
There is love, sense of responsibility and maturity. You can’t say this is bad and I’m going away, you have to stay and work out things together.

34 years and only two children! I wouldn’t call you very active, would I?
We both made a decision to have two children. He already had two other children from another relationship. Then, we were also living in Kenya, where President Arap Moi was strongly advocating for small families on the radios, television and hospitals. Having a small family enables you to enjoy life and give your children the best of life.

Is your house full of music?
One person may be composing and another might be learning a song. My son can also be playing his piano. Different activities take place in the same house. Unless we are working on the same song that is when we have practice together as a couple.

Your home must be chaotic!
(Laughing) No, we are mindful of each other.

How many songs have you composed for each other?
We have never done it. He composes the songs of love. And he has never told me which one is about me. It is the same with me. I have never composed a song for him. If the heart is injured or is full of love, it will bring it out in the songs.

Other things that keep you moving as a couple?
We like watching movies together and taking care of our home like seeing the flowers grow and pruning them.

Any advice to people whose marriages seem to be falling apart?
You don’t have to always have your own way. As time goes on, the romance cools down and you get the actual picture of someone you married. You come to understand that no one is perfect. In marriage every one must give in, to some extent, to the other. It is a two-way thing. Communication too is very vital for a successful marriage.

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