When your friends take you for granted

HAVE you ever felt like your friends are taking advantage of you and are tired of giving in to their endless demands? If your answer is ‘yes’ then SUSAN MUYIYI brings you tips on how to say ‘no’ to their demands without feeling guilty

USE A TRUSTED FRIEND
Stella never said no to Lorna, her bossy friend’s demands. If, she wasn’t complaining about money she never returned, it was about a spoilt shoe she borrowed and never returned.
Stella grumbled after each incident; of course behind Stella’s back.
One day, a bold friend offered to approach the insensitive Stella and that was the end of the manipulative relationship.

JUST SAY ‘NO’
When Sophia realised that arguing with Gloria about her imposing character didn’t make head way, she decided to ignore her demands, but she never took no for an answer,” Sophia recalls.
Tired of being her door mat, she refused to do Gloria’s bidding. This didn’t go down well with Gloria.
“She referred to me as the mean friend, but I knew I had the right to say no.”

SET BOUNDARIES
Most acquaintances believe that married women have their husband’s money on them. That is why they take their time to repay. When such a person approaches Viola, she refuses out rightly.

“I say no and don’t feel guilty about it. Why should I?”
At first, Viola lied about having to top up the children’s fees and house bills until she realized that there was always someone willing to take her for a ride.

BE BOLD
When it came to running church errands, Fiona was the best.
She never said ‘no’, even though the programme she hadn’t planned for ate into her time with the family. 

Then, one day, she accidentally eavesdropped on a conservation ridiculing her generosity and she decided to stop.

At first, members who attended her church did not believe she could say no to their demands.

“I had to tell a particular person more than once that I wasn’t going to lend him my car to travel for a crusade.”

Fiona was proud of not giving into blackmail.

TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL
Fiona didn’t stop at that, she one day sat down a friend and told every thing she felt about being used.

“It was a better approach than resenting him. Of course there was an uncomfortable silence but I made my point.

I prefer friendships where I am not manipulated because of my kindness,” she concludes.