Ask Auntie Liz
Sep 26, 2008
Dear aunt,<br>I am an attractive girl aged 21years. The problem is that my best friend’s boyfriend claims to love me after breaking up with her. It started when I broke up with my own boyfriend.
Dear aunt,
I am an attractive girl aged 21years. The problem is that my best friend’s boyfriend claims to love me after breaking up with her. It started when I broke up with my own boyfriend. Around a year later, my friend had to quit the relationship because she was leaving the country. Her boy friend pleaded but in vain. He and I remained mere friend and even the ex-girl friend knew it.
Two years later, the boy says he loves me! Yet he was a boyfriend to my ex. We made a vow with my girl-friend that we will never get near each other’s boy friend even if we broke up with them. He has failed to understand my side. After all I don’t have any emotional attachment to him. I have always turned down his advances but he says that am hurting him when I know he has no other girl.
Please advise
SJ
Dear SJ,
This gentleman has a gap in his life and he seems to desire that you feel it. Love is vulnerable to pain and hurt, he must be going through this after his broken relationship. At this point, you need to understand that you are not obliged to give in especially if you don’t feel like doing so. Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured because real love involves a deep appreciation and acceptance for the other person. If you don’t have any of these feelings towards him, then you may not even have to explain yourself beyond what you have already done. It is okay to let him know that you don’t have any intimate feelings towards him and if it is getting irritating, you may consider avoiding him for a while. This will enable him sort himself out.
Auntie Liz is a professional counsellor
I am an attractive girl aged 21years. The problem is that my best friend’s boyfriend claims to love me after breaking up with her. It started when I broke up with my own boyfriend. Around a year later, my friend had to quit the relationship because she was leaving the country. Her boy friend pleaded but in vain. He and I remained mere friend and even the ex-girl friend knew it.
Two years later, the boy says he loves me! Yet he was a boyfriend to my ex. We made a vow with my girl-friend that we will never get near each other’s boy friend even if we broke up with them. He has failed to understand my side. After all I don’t have any emotional attachment to him. I have always turned down his advances but he says that am hurting him when I know he has no other girl.
Please advise
SJ
Dear SJ,
This gentleman has a gap in his life and he seems to desire that you feel it. Love is vulnerable to pain and hurt, he must be going through this after his broken relationship. At this point, you need to understand that you are not obliged to give in especially if you don’t feel like doing so. Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured because real love involves a deep appreciation and acceptance for the other person. If you don’t have any of these feelings towards him, then you may not even have to explain yourself beyond what you have already done. It is okay to let him know that you don’t have any intimate feelings towards him and if it is getting irritating, you may consider avoiding him for a while. This will enable him sort himself out.
Auntie Liz is a professional counsellor