I had a boyfriend with whom we were planning an introduction in 2006. Unfortunately, he did not tell me he had another girl. When I inquired, he accepted, saying he would not continue with her since, he said, she was bad-mannered.
That same year, he wedded her. Some sisters and brothers of his told me the lady used witchcraft to get the man’s attention.
The man’s parents did not like the girl because of her manners. This year, the man came back, requesting for forgiveness. He wants us to arrange an introduction so that I become a second wife.
Unfortunately, I do not desire being a second wife despite loving the man. He is stressing me, saying he cannot settle unless I accept his proposal.
Confused
Dear Confused
Experiences that we face in life often put us at situations where we have to make critical decisions. You seem to be at a crossroad and afraid of the outcome of a decision you will make.
It is clear that your former boyfriend is now married to someone else. You need to understand that this is a legal bond that can only be broken by divorce. It has been two years since he got married. What could be the reason for his return? How has he been able to cope without you all this long? He betrayed your trust initially, if he feels he made a mistake, it is
okay to forgive him if you find it in your heart to do so. But this doesn’t mean you move in with him if you do not want to. Doing something out of what you desire will only make you a victim of circumstances.
Sometimes the fears that you have within when faced with such a decision are an indication that you need to slow down and weigh the options that you have. Don’t be in a hurry even when he sounds desperate.
There is a temptation to reconcile, out of sympathy, but you would have to carry the responsibility that comes along with it. You need to be clear about what you want if you want to carry on a relationship with him. If you don’t want to be a second wife, then you may need to insist that he gets a divorce. You cannot afford to live life by chance; it is too precious to be gambled.
Auntie Liz is a professional counsellor
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