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By Vision Reporter

Added 17th March 2006 03:00 AM

I can’t get over my ex-boyfriend
Dear aunt,
I’m 19 years old and my former boyfriend is 30. He pretended to be in love with me, but after going out for a year, he abandoned me.

I can’t get over my ex-boyfriend
Dear aunt,
I’m 19 years old and my former boyfriend is 30. He pretended to be in love with me, but after going out for a year, he abandoned me.

I can’t get over my ex-boyfriend
Dear aunt,
I’m 19 years old and my former boyfriend is 30. He pretended to be in love with me, but after going out for a year, he abandoned me.

I have failed to get in touch with him. Whenever I call him, he switches off his phone. I had invested a lot of emotions in this relationship and since he left me I have remained devastated.

I am gradually losing interest in men as a result of this betrayal. Shall I ever love another man again? I still feel a lot of love for him, but he doesn’t seem to have any feelings for me. What can I do to win his love once again?

Desperate Brenda

A: Dear desperate Brenda,

You feel desperate and betrayed because you invested your emotions early and deeply. You must have been genuine with your emotions since you have failed to deal with the loss up to now. It is frustrating to have feelings for a man who doesn’t feel for you. How did you end the relationship?

Your statement implies that you harbour feelings of guilt emanating from what you feel you should have done to stop him from walking out of your life. It would be very difficult for you to move on with your life if you still hold yourself responsible for whatever happened. Perhaps you feel you were not worthy enough for his love.

These feelings of denial compounded by guilt have lowered your self-esteem hence you are doubting if any man will ever love you. A broken relationship doesn’t make you useless.
You are beautiful enough to attract another man. You should view life more positively at your tender age. Move on Brenda, you can still be loved.

Does she need my permission?
Dear aunt,

I am 27 years old and two years ago, I was in a relationship with a 23-year-old girl. We decided to halt the affair because we wanted to give each other a break.

We agreed that we would pick up the affair when it is convenient for us. After being separated for a year we both got into other relationships. However, we still remained in touch.

Recently, she told me that her boyfriend wanted her to bear a child. She wanted me to give her permission to conceive with another man because she still needed me. I’m confused. What do I do with this lady?
Tim
Dear Tim,
Although you gave each other a break, you remained in a relationship at the emotional level. You still feel you were meant for each other and the urge to reunite is becoming irresistible. By seeking your permission before conceiving with another man, she could be implying that there is something she still owes you.

It could also be another way of telling you that she is not happy with her current relationship. Apart from being provocative, this question tries to establish whether you still have feelings for her.

Do you still have feelings for this girl? Calling her might be a reflection of your willingness to rekindle the old flame. Remember you left the doors open for each other while you were ending the affair. Could this be the convenient time you talked about?

You better take each other more seriously in case you decide to rekindle the flame of romance once again.

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