How to get twins

Dr Love: Hillary Bainemigisha

Twins are considered blessings to many societies. Do you want twins? You too can have them

In this part of the world, twins make parents celebrities. That partly explains their popularity.

Long ago, when I was still a primary school going virgin, there were bigger boys who described sex to us in such an intricate manner that made the Pythagoras theorem much simpler. They talked of styles that specifically manufactured twins, styles for baby boys and styles for baby girls.

Lack of children, sickly children and children who cry a lot were all attributed to the style of sex that led to their conception. And by style, they meant the man because the woman was supposed to be a recipient and not contributor to style. It made us so worried about doing it right that we started cramming every instruction.

When the person God had sent to break my virginity showed up, I had enough theory like Muhanga to get sh10 billion by just selling goats! But it took me a little exposure to realize that there was no rocket science needed in getting twins. All you need to do is get your private parts out of their hiding!

But if you don't believe this, or have been trying without success, get out your pen and paper and begin jotting down these few steps.

The first point, really, is to write down Kadaga's phone number; she has ancestors in Busoga who single handedly made her Speaker; I guess giving twins is pretty much easier.

Seriously; I have better tips! Of course, when twins are being conceived, I am usually not present but I have consulted wide for you to invest once and harvest double.

If you consider cost, inconvenience, demands, emotional investment, and etc, twins are not the best thing to want, but people want them anyway. Being a Salongo and Nalongo had privileges in Buganda. Apart from dancing them, twin parents were the only residents allowed to steal food!

If you are Ugandan, your chance of having twins is about 15 out of 1,000 births per year. You need to improve this to 15-18 by exporting your sex to say, Kenya. But a Tanzanian will raise them further to 18 and above out!

Or you can invest in Africans belonging to that central African belt that starts from Benin and spreads through DR Congo right up to Mozambique! If, for instance, you married a 40 year old Yoruba woman, who is tall and slightly overweight, you would need to report yourself to Kayihura for caning if you failed to get twins! The Yoruba are spread in Nigeria, Benin and Togo!

But if you have no transport, get a person who has twins in the family especially on the mother's side. Or one who already is a Nnalongo; your chance increases at least 4 times.

If you are not good at sniffing out twins in family histories, just look for an old woman of about 40. They are very difficult to impregnate but if you succeed, chances of twins are 7% higher.

It rises to about 17% if she is 45. Doctors call it a ‘fertility spike', influenced by a surge of oestrogen. But you need to get a rich frog so that if your seeds fail to germinate, she invests in fertility treatment which can lead to about five babies at ago!

You can also get twins with the woman you now have. Make sure she is tall and/or well-fed or even overweight.

Start shooting even when she is still breastfeeding; a goal at that time may count twice because of the prolactin in their bodies.

You can even provoke twins with drugs. Folic acid supplements for instance; take it before and more than 1000mg a day! There is another (name withheld) used as a treatment for women who do not ovulate. When taken by women with no issues, it can raise the chance of having twins to over 33%!

Fertility specialists also believe in food. You can eat herself into twins with yams, dairy products and cow liver during the time of trying to conceive.

A man should go for oysters, which are high in zinc which helps in producing more healthy and mobile sperm, that can raid the ovary in droves.

The core of the pineapple is also good because it contains the highest concentrations of bromelain, which is supposed to increase the chances of implantation following ovulation.

But if symptoms persist, seek medical advice. The doctor will most likely repeat what I have told you or convince you into IVF, which I would have explained in detail had I had space for it.

On Sunday August 12, Sunday Vision will be hosting the Twins festival to celebrate people who shared the same womb when babies.

In some countries, it is a full weekend festival where twins meet other twins and get rewarded with prizes as if they participated in being twins.