DEAR Jamesa,
I have a 14-year-old daughter in Senior Two. Her school places great emphasis on academic excellence. Since she is an average performer, she is under a lot of pressure to meet the high standards. Sometimes, she misses meals and wakes up in the middle of the night to revise, but she does not make it. We have suggested to her a change of school, but she has refused. She loves the school because of her three friends who are in the same class with her. She likes the voluntary work that they carry out around the school. Last term, she was the tenth from the bottom of the class. I fear that the school might discontinue or make her repeat, which may make her suffer from low self-esteem. How do I approach this situation?
Worried mother

Dear worried mother,
Situations like this can make any parent feel frustrated. In spite of the frustrations, you are still determined to ensure that your daughter succeeds. I must commend you for this. Children are gifts from God and each comes to us wrapped differently. They come without a userâ€™s manual, yet we have to accept them and acquire operation skills on the job. One area where each child remains different is intelligence.

Intelligence is largely a genetic trait, but can also be modified by the childâ€™s environment. Your daughter is an average performer and there is nothing wrong with that. Did you know that the most important thing about a childâ€™s academic performance is â€˜the processâ€™ and not â€˜the productâ€™? The process means the effort, hard work and sacrifice that the student has put in while the product is the final grades on the report card. Most parents focus on the grades (product), while ignoring the effort (process).

In spite of the fact that she has not made it to the top, your daughter should be commended for her diligence. The diligence with which she works for her grades will certainly enable her deal with lifeâ€™s challenges.

Her grade notwithstanding, neither the school nor the parent has a right to make her feel guilty of being â€˜an average performerâ€™. She is a unique child with her own abilities and she should not be pushed beyond her limits. A school is designed to accommodate all categories of learners and there is no school for â€˜star performersâ€™. Changing schools will only change the environment, not her brains.

There is nothing wrong with encouraging children to work hard, but even as we do so, we have to respect their individual differences. Any school that humiliates a child for failing to make it to the top of class acts unprofessionally.

The school environment is a significant factor in learning. Children only learn when they are well-attuned to the teachers, fellow students and the school programme. Transfer to another school might overwhelm your daughter with huge adjustment challenges that would make her performance even worse.

It is clear that your daughter works hard for her grades. Repeating a class, therefore, would not change her intelligence. Every child has a way they learn best and teachers should strive to identify this. Teachers should also ensure that her weaknesses are understood and not merely condemned. You should consider involving a professional counsellor to help her improve her study skills.

One way of helping her deal with her weaknesses is by focusing on her inborn talents. Remember, the greatest gift you can give her is to help her believe in herself. Your encouragement will sustain her self-esteem in the face of academic challenges.

jwagwau@newvision.co.ug
0772-631032

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