She was exchanged for cows

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WHAT’S UP!

I don’t who know Clare Akaliza is, or was. The X/ Twitter handle she used does not exist anymore, and a Google search did not bring up any results. But sometime back, she made a post on how the thought that one day she will be exchanged for cows humbled her.

It was probably an innocent musing, a moment of reflection when reality hit her what her destiny was. It was a profound post, and I’m surprised it did not turn into a meme and go viral. Because in that simple sentence, she stripped all the pretence and pseudo-romanticism off what bride price really is.

Forget all the grandiose talk about African culture and traditions; every time a girl’s family demands to be given cows for their daughter’s hand in marriage, she is being exchanged for those cloven hoofed, ruminant bovine animals.

It does not matter how many (I have been to functions where the going rate was 20), or what kind, local or exotic; what is claimed to be a ‘gesture of appreciation and respect’ is actually plain old selling off a girl, and that will affect the marriage. Every argument is bound to end with: “I paid cows for you!”

Then a report emerged last week that a South Sudanese man had ‘won’ a bidding war for a girl, paying $77,000 in cash, 297 cows and plots of land. Seeing on average a cow costs about $2,000 (both in South Sudan and in Kampala), that is almost another $600,000!

Someone explain to me how that is a token of ‘appreciation and respect’ and how Atong Aguto, the South Sudanese bride in question, will win an argument against Thon Chol Riak, the man who paid almost sh3b to become her husband.

Ironically, after that, they had a ‘white wedding’, I imagine, complete with a priest. I wonder what their vows were like, especially when it came to the part ‘for richer or for poor’? Was it perchance changed to ‘when my $700,000 runs out’?

The real fact is that Riak bought Atong lock, stock and barrel. And any man who has exchanged his cows for a girl will feel that way, therein is the source of ‘objectification of women and increased domestic violence’.

In effect, according to the UN, the exchange of cows ‘commodifies women, treating them as property rather than individuals with rights’. It also very often leads to early marriages, school drop-outs, and exposure to abusive relationships.

In Uganda, this ‘commodification’ of women happens long before marriage, and strangely seems to be an acceptable way of life for many women.

In the affairs of the heart in Uganda, and I suspect in many other African countries, the man is expected to give the woman money. You can meet a girl for the first time and exchange phone numbers. In many cases, the girl will send a text that she is hungry, or her Yaka has ‘gamed’. ‘Baby girl has no breakfast, can you help?’ ‘The landlord is on my case, please help’.

One of the biggest complaints of young men on social media is that they sent ‘transport’ to a girl and she didn’t show up. The ‘transport’ is money to enable a girl travel to a boy’s place, and the boy expects an exchange in kind when she gets there. But sometimes the girl is just playing the boy, so she doesn’t show up, and she won’t refund the ‘transport’.

There is the story of an African American man who went to live in Nigeria, and who complained that all the women he met asked him for money. For hair, for nails, for make-up, and every small thing, so that they could ‘look good for him’. Poor dude left the country, couldn’t handle the stress. He said the ‘cost/benefit analysis’ didn’t make sense to him. Like many things, it seems Ugandans have gone where the Nigerians go. It might have something to do with those silly movies Ugandans, especially in those arcades that seem to be everywhere, have been watching for the last couple of decades.

But somehow, this is acceptable behaviour. And then the women turn around and say that men do not respect them, that they are dogs and can’t be trusted. If the man is going to pay for everything, honey, you’ve just been bought.

It might not be on South Sudan levels, but you’ve been bought all the same. I wonder what that makes Ugandan women? I won’t be the one to say it, no sir!

Back to Clare Akaliza. I wonder what happened to her? Was she eventually exchanged for cows, as she feared?

Does her man now look at her and see, not the homely pretty face in the profile pix, but the number of cows he paid for her?

I have many friends and colleagues from the western region of this country, where the practice of exchanging girls for cows is almost a religion. Every time you look at one of their women, they say ‘bring cows’. Even the women say it.

Now, ever since I saw Akaliza’s post, I can’t help but see cows every time I see one of them. They are either potential cows, are in the process of becoming cows, or have been already exchanged for cows.

Follow Kalungi Kabuye on X (Formerly Twitter) @KalungiKabuye