Of Uganda’s Escobars and the kids’ chopper ride

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WHAT’S UP!

There is a story of one guy who had more money than he knew what to do with, so much that he reportedly kept billions of dollars in the walls of his house. Of course, rats and roaches ate much of it, but it is said that he just wrote it off, amounting to nearly $2b every year. He had so much money that one day when his daughter was feeling cold, he burnt $2b in cash to keep her warm.

Nobody who made their money through legitimate means would do what that man did, and we know that the late unlamented Pablo Escobar (for that is his name) got his money from drugs and racketeering. Admittedly he worked hard for the money, if you call killing people and corrupting a whole country while at it hard work. But it was not clean money, and eventually his sins caught up with him and he was shot dead by police. At one time it is said he owned almost the whole police force of Colombia, but his excesses got too much for even the corrupt police to tolerate.

What does this have to do with Uganda? The ostentatious living of drug lords is what came to mind when I saw images of a ‘prom’ at a school in Entebbe, with two students arriving in a hired helicopter. Video clips showed streams of expensive vehicles ferrying young children to the ‘prom’, with some quoted explaining how they paid up to sh3m to hire the vehicles for less than an hour.

Now, there is ostentatious living all over the world. Anywhere where rich people live, it is on their own terms. Last year images went viral of a visitation day at the St Andrews School, Turi, with parking reserved for dozens of helicopters. There are some very rich people in Kenya, with some of their money going back generations.

There are also some very poor people in Kenya, despite it being the largest economy in East Africa; so the poor probably just shrugged off those images and went on with their lives. That is a world so far removed those rich folks could be on the moon, for all they care.

A quick Google search reveals that there are about 350 Kenyans worth at least $10m, with three worth more than $1b. Many of those are businessmen, and the source of their wealth is well documented. If any of those rich Kenyans have children in Turi, a chopper ride would be very affordable.

The same research does not give definite figures about Uganda’s rich people, with a 2020 report by Knight Frank having about 500 Ugandans worth at least $500,000. There are no names, though.

A 2021 Forbes report listed the 10 richest Ugandans worth at least $100m as Sudhir Ruparelia, Karim Hirji, Alykahn Kamali (Mukwano), Mohammed Hamid (AYA Group), Charles Mbire, Sikander Lalani (Roofings), Gordon Wavamunno, Mukesh Shukla, Patrick Bitature and a one Aaron Mukooza.

We know most of these people (but, where were the Madhvanis?), and know how and where they made their money. They can afford it, but would they send their children to a party at school in a helicopter? I doubt it, ostentatious living is not for hard-earned money. It is mostly for the Escobars of this world.

This leads me to those Entebbe school kids and their now infamous prom. Who are these parents that would do that sort of thing? How did they make their money? Uganda is one of the poorest countries in the world (26 from the bottom), with no major industries to speak of. Almost everything is imported, so who are these rich folks who make so much money they can throw it away? Remember that clip of a woman throwing money at her daughter at a school visitation? Incidentally, that woman should have been arrested, it is against the law to throw legal Uganda currency like that.

Again, back to the Escobars. Only ‘quick’ money can be thrown around like that, and in Uganda, the largest source of ‘quick’ money is the Government. And the way to get it is mainly through corruption, from Parliament, or both.

The Uganda Revenue Authority (URA), instead of harassing traders in Kikuubo, should look at this ostentatious behaviour. Or did someone say lifestyle audits are out of order? Anyway, you can feel for these traders; while URA is squeezing them of their small money, some folks are hiring helicopters for their kids to go to a party.

A good friend of mine argued that the chopper kids were creative and innovative; I disagree. All they had to do was watch a TikTok video of some Kenyan kid going to Turi in a helicopter and then call up big-Government-shot Dad, who probably dived into his wardrobe and came out with about sh5m for his kid to attend prom (remember the story of a government official who was robbed of several billions, but did not know how much she had in her wardrobe?).

These kids were not being innovative, just copycats; typical ostentatious behaviour with money you haven’t worked for. And like Escobar, the day of reckoning is coming.

I’m not taking bets on what happens to those kids when big-Government-shot Dad loses his job, and that money in the wardrobe which he cannot bank for obvious reasons) runs out or gets eaten by rats and cockroaches but, unlike Escobar, he can’t just write it off.