Here comes the silly season, again!

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WHAT’S UP!

Every five years, it is election time, and Ugandans completely lose it. Not that anything different ever happens, or any excitement that this time the leaders we will elect, come January, will actually make a difference. Nah, it is the same tired old refrain, but we still lose it, all the same.

The last time anyone tried to make an actual difference, it was Kampala Capital City Authority (KCCA)’s Jennifer Musisi, and we all know what happened to her. And she was not even elected. But, being a very smart woman, she knew when to bail out; while her successor (we do not count the guy who was acting for seemingly forever) ignored all the signs and ended up in prison for her efforts.

But why do we call it the silly season? The origin of the phrase goes back to UK newspapers and the English summer, when everyone is away on holiday and nothing much is happening in the news hemisphere. So, enterprising editors had to come up with all kinds of silly things to keep people buying the papers, hence the ‘silly season’.

But in time, it came to refer to a period ‘marked by frivolous, outlandish, or illogical activity or behaviour’. You are wondering why the British were talking about Uganda, right?

Anyone living in Uganda, or who is going to be here for the next year, can recognise these attributes very easily. When election time comes to Uganda, everyone goes silly. Being a leader in Uganda is a poisoned chalice, yet thousands of Ugandans will pawn everything they have for a chance to become elected to some position.

I can understand, although definitely not condone, those who want to be MPs. They are the highest public officials in the country, opportunities to ‘eat where they worketh’ are legion, and once in a while, if they are lucky, a loose sh100m will drop into their bank accounts.

But I have seen posters and billboards everywhere of folks who want to be ‘Lord Councillors’, whatever that means. Last time I heard, councillors from KCCA wanted to go on strike because they had not been paid their allowances. And here you are talking about the capital city, source of almost 80% of Uganda’s gross domestic product. So, what is the ‘Lord Councillor’ from Matugga all about? Beats me.

But the real silliness has to do with our not-so honourable MPs. Apart from becoming president, which is obviously off the table, this is the highest elective position in the country a Ugandan can aspire to. You get paid a lot of money, get even more tax-free allowances, a sh200m car, and said almost unlimited opportunities for under-the table stuff such folks thrive on.

It is also silly because after all the elections we have had in the last 30 years, nothing has really changed. We still elect the same old, tired, self-interested, mostly broke and not very clever people. These are mostly people who have not done much for themselves (that is why they are politicians), and hope to make up for lost opportunities.

The names and faces may change, but they will all be consistent and try to make themselves wealthy as quickly as possible (a few will end up in debtors’ jail, but that is a small consolation). We know it, they know it, the electorate know it – but we will still play the old silly game yet again.

But some pundits say this time it might be different. After spending three decades acting silly, our politicians are throwing the masks off and have stopped pretending. It is all open season now.

Remember the late Kato Lubwama? Some people said he told lies for a living, and people believed him. But the only time he told the truth, they did not, and threw him out. While campaigning for re-election, Lubwama told a rally that it was all about ‘eating’. That they should give him one more chance to ‘eat’, then he would step down and let them also ‘eat’. Unfortunately, they did not take him at his word, and he lost the election. Wherever he is now, he is probably laughing and saying, ‘I told you so’.

The real wonder is that people still actually go out and vote. Every single election has been riddled with claims of all kinds of rigging, from ballot stuffing to intimidation to beating up opponents. So why do people bother voting, anyway?

And stranger still, are those who bother campaigning. If you know, as you claim, that the votes are going to be stolen, why take part in the first place? Why sell everything you own and spend it all on a stolen election? And then cry foul. Just how silly can one get?

But still, lots of money is going to be spent on these elections. Inflation is going to go through the roof, and someone in the Bank of Uganda will get high blood pressure trying to control it. And next year, everyone is going to be broke, and curse those bl**dy elections! Serves you right, silly!