Face to face with planned sex

Dec 05, 2020

Planned sex is great; at least it keeps sex within the marriage, but it denies the couple the benefits of unplanned sex.

 

I am afraid we may be destined for wealth; scarlet red prosperity, thanks to the training my wife went to last weekend. Did I say ‘we'?

I meant my family, sorry if you had counted yourself in my ‘we'.

Your wife was probably massaging you when mine was busy at a whole weekend training on how we can stop trusting these politicians and start believing in ourselves.

She returned bursting with excitement, saying she discovered the missing link; now is take-off time.

That was rather confusing to me because I genuinely thought that the reason we didn't have a building on Kampala Road was because my wife and I as well as our close relatives failed to get a slot on the NRM's list of favourites.

If wealth just took three days of training, then it was my turn to laugh at all my friends, currently braving coronavirus looking for votes, apparently the only known way to wealth in Uganda.

So, my sweetheart came with a formula, which I vowed not to tell you because it would not be a good idea for all of us to crowd in wealth.

Wealthy people need the poor to make them feel good about their prosperity.

That is why beautiful girls feel uncomfortable with each other; they don't want to be lost among the rest. So, I will not tell you.

You will read our book in 2030 about how we made it.

I will make sure it is there in the last chapter, which I intend to make chapter 24. But, if I end up telling you now, it is because the master key is beginning to unnerve me already.

The key, she said, was, according to her trainers and their numerous researches and training syllabus, something I always knew, but always mistook for those FDC fakes.

And you should have seen her tutor me in the ABC of planning. Yes, planning is the key.

These are the things that attract police teargas to Hon. Kyagulanyi campaigns. The President is excusable because he never keeps time. And he is the President, right?

But for sex at home, the planner says, no last-minute changes, no surprises, no appeal, but three things: adherence, adherence and adherence.

Tell me my dear friends; what will I tell Mr Man when he wants a swim but the planner's schedule says time is booked for something else?

What if it is time for the rally, but my voice is too weak to address the voters?

Now I know what the presidential campaigners are going through! I really understand.

I, therefore, appeal to my wife's OGs, tutors and everybody teaching others planning SOPs; please, keep sex out of it.

Planned sex is great; at least it keeps sex within the marriage, but it denies the couple the benefits of unplanned sex.

And these are different and spontaneous. Spontaneity of sex in marriage is what sets it apart from other relationships where sex has to be planned for.

It also sets the partners apart from the rest with rights to an unblocked right of way.

Take the President for example; Uganda is his wife and he can decide to travel anywhere anytime.

His opponents, however, need clearance because their schedules are in the Police planner and SOPs.

How can we downgrade our marital sex from presidential status to Katumba oyee levels?

Planned sex also causes performance anxiety because the individual keeps it in the mind that the game is supposed to start.

Not mentioning the clashes it sets the couple up for if they arrive late at the stadium for whatever reason.

If the reason is ‘I had to check out a friend first' you set yourself for questions like: ‘Is that friend more important than the planner's prescription?

That said, the planner is a good idea; the details can be amended.

At least it allowed me to see the time my wife allotted for sex. I used to think that the more marathon sex is, the better for women.

It is funny how I have been wishing it was shorter, not knowing it was her wish too.

I need to get out of here before I spill more secrets!

hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug

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