Primaries: In defence of selfish interests

Those who had problems spelling the word RESISTANCE must have cracked the code by merely watching the NRM primaries.

That exercise last Friday could not have been rewritten better in violent video games, horror movies or vicious poetry.

And now, it is confusing me: shall we remember 2020 as the year of coronavirus or NRM primaries?

My old neighbour in the village says we should stop calling them ‘primaries'; he promoted them to ‘secondaries'! And he could be right; would you describe what happened during the primaries to primary school children without engaging the PG 18 gear?

Just one video clip is licensed to beget spikes in aggressive behaviour, hostile cognitions and bellicose affect.

It even scared the Katikkiro of Buganda! He reminded me of my most favourite play The Gods Are Not To Blame, by Ola Rotimi.

Therein, Rotimi wrote: When crocodiles reach a point of eating their own eggs; what would they not do to a frog?

For those, to who proverbs must be explained, a crocodile does not eat omelette for breakfast because eggs are its children.

It can only eat them in an unlikely event of absolute starvation and that is an act of self-preservation.

In a similar situation, even humans resort to cannibalism. For both crocodiles and humans, at that desperate time when self-preservation is threatened, not even a frog can hop across their paths and stay alive.

The Katikkiro is scared that if the NRM crocodiles ate their own eggs, what will happen when People Power frogs start hopping about?

It actually is scary, until you analyse how self-preservation works.

Last Friday, some crocodiles discovered that their ‘lives' were threatened and the self-preservation mode switched on.

And the mode is so colour-blind that a yellow nkoni (club) did not care about the colour of the shoulders it was hammering.

That may not happen when the crocodile's life is not threatened. Laws, ethics, antiquate and codes of conduct, which assure safe passage of red bereted frogs, work when the protagonists' self-preservation button is off.

Unless the frogs have it in their plan to scare off the crocodile. Then we shall have Season II of the primaries.

When the word selfish steps at the doorstep of your ears, the first impulse is sparks of negative connotations.

But that is a function of upbringing, where parents thought that the lion would lie with the lamb in the world they were preparing you for.

But in this context where lions eat lambs, time will come when your only priority is to stay alive.

That is self-preservation, which is the first manifestation of selfishness. Yes, selfishness is the basic currency unit of success for mankind.

All these beautiful layers of flesh you see resting upon our skeleton framework are intended to shroud one single characteristic of humankind; selfishness.

Selfishness is the single-most important motivation for humans to act extraordinarily. It works both in politics and in love.

If you want to see if Sekandi or Jessica Kayanja are the most peaceful people, you don't bring a calculator; just be seen seducing his wife or her husband.

The self-preservation gear will kick in and suddenly, the cannibalism in the primaries will start making sense.

Look at love: We love the most beautiful or the most endowed because we want the best for ourselves.

We give them our best in order to retain them for ourselves or to seek the providence mileage.

In a community, we pull towards our families, in a family, we pull towards our children or spouses and between spouses, we pull towards ourselves.

That is the law of interests. Don't be deceived by the ‘selfless' wrapper that love, dating, marriage and family are always packaged in.

A woman in love can swear that she wants the best for her husband, but she will not let him touch the best female at the party.

Men, who want their wives to have the best sex, will still not allow them to enjoy it from a renown sex guru who is not them.

In life, we cry when our mothers die, yet we are told they have gone to a better place.

In a plane emergency, we are told to adjust our own oxygen mask first before helping others.

In politics, nobody votes the opponent even when they seem better.

Politicians don't give us money because they love us and we don't eat it because we love them; everybody is strategising along the eating ladder; it is all selfish.

In religion, Jesus used it as a standard measure of love.

He told Namuganza: First see how you love yourself, and then try to love Kadaga in the same way.

It is only when selfishness remains at the centre stage even when props to shroud it are easily available that society can frown.

So, it is not a problem for selfishness to oscillate between virtue and vice under different contexts; the mistake is for you to fail to recognise its fundamental role in human behaviour.

Whether it is Politics or Love, a good strategy is to discover the non-negotiable selfish interests in your electorate or partner.

Once you have these interests in the palms of your hands, you can exploit your electorate, lovers to selfish ends.

The beauty of it all is that everyone becomes a winner! Successful relationships are where each one's non negotiable selfish interests are catered for.

It is similar to the art of using the user. That lover you esteem so highly comes into your life to use you to achieve his or her life goals.

That is alright as long as you also use them for the same ambition.

Those who cry - after the relationship dies: He used me! She used me! I have a question: Why didn't you use them too when they were using you?

Remember, if your selfish interest is getting money, your politician will be your frog.

If his interest is your vote, you will be his frog.

Anyone who tries to disrupt this cosmos, will have to spell the word: NRM PRIMARIES!

I need to get out of here before computer laws start considering me their frog!

hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug