What you are really doesn't matter

Sep 05, 2020

You can behave in such a manner hoping to impress people, but that process cannot be trusted! People may not interpret you correctly!

Some of these things come naturally. When you are settling down on the shelves, or planning to go fishing, you try to be at your best.

Some put on their Sunday best, others borrow from richer friends.

Some study dating tips, others copy what their friends do. Some invest in real value impressions, others innovate to impress by deceit.

And during a possible catch, many try to be at their best, in courtesy, chivalry, intellect, humour, being knowledgeable and acting developmental.

Many of these good attributes we exude during dating may not actually be us!

They may only be spotted on us by chance and using a high-powered electronic microscope when we are not dating.

Why? Because there is a difference between who we are and who we want others to think we are.

In fact, for many people; if they gave them themselves to date, they would probably gallop off in protest because they cannot tolerate the original them.

That is why we try to shroud ourselves in a good wrapping for easy marketing.

And don't get me wrong; I am not complaining! Dating has taught our children much more than education, religion and family could ever teach them.

Suddenly, the sons, who hate water with a passion, start bathing twice a day, brushing their teeth and washing their clothes.

They learn chivalry, pay attention to current affairs to be knowledgeable and also learn some courtesy.

Our daughters learn new languages, impressive accents, pick interest in cooking, spend extra time in grooming and make new friends.

In trying to be what can impress others, they improve themselves better than scolding, religion and education could ever make them.

This is perhaps dating's biggest lesson to politics around this time.

Politicians are now stepping out to market themselves to the electorate in pretty the same way as dating people do.

And the context remains the same too. Being accepted depends on these six cardinal P factors in both dating and politics; Presentation, Privileges, Promises, Persistence, Presented integrity and Providence (luck or fate).

I wanted to add generosity, but it doesn't start with P. So, I will allow it to spread among the available P points.

And the beauty of it all is what many people cannot tell you. And if I was an honest man, I would not either.

But, because I am a realist and I really want to leave an impression on you, I will dare de-clothe the hunchback.

And, please, don't frown, until you read my whole argument.

I am now more convinced after stumbling on a similar concept in my study of marketing.

In wooed partnerships, like dating, elections, marketing and etc, as well as in coerced dealings, like colonisation, war, enforcement and etc, what you are, matters BUT NOT more than what the targeted people think you are.

To succeed in wooing, scaring or convincing your targets, what really matters is what others think about you, not what you are.

I can illustrate this with an easy home example. Let us take a faithful person, who always thinks of the partner's interests, is selfless and totally in love.

That is what he or she is. But, if the partner does not think so, what he or she is, will not matter.

For instance, if you do not cheat on your partner, but the partner thinks you cheat, you will be in trouble.

On the other hand, if you do cheat and the partner thinks you do not, you are better off than the previous case.

If you are not an honest man and the electorate thinks you are, you are better than a man of integrity who is viewed as a thief.

In other words; what people think you are is far more important than what you actually are!

This means in dating and elections, more investment should be in making people form a favourable opinion about you.

You can behave in such a manner hoping to impress people, but that process cannot be trusted!

People may not interpret you correctly! They always fail exams! That is why Museveni can be very good, according to some people and very bad, according to others.

The product on offer cannot please everybody, may not be beheld through the appropriate eye glasses and, therefore, cannot be as important as the investing in perceptions of the viewers.

That is what advertising does. So, when you step out, you have three options: One; to be a nice person and wait for the target of your love to make such a conclusion.

Two; to not wait for the subject of your love to evaluate you, but to actually invest in influencing the type of evaluation he or she will make.

Three; to do nothing! If you have read this far, I trust you will be wiser. Put emphasis on managing the type of opinion formed about you, your love, your mission than your real self and offer.

What you are is not so vital; after the conquest, there is time for both you and your catch to adjust to the realities.

What matters now are the elections, the selection and the options.

Going forward; if I catch you talking about what you are instead of how the subject of your wooing can benefit from what you are, I will know you tell lies about reading this column.

Go forth and don't sin again!

hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug

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