Why modesty is an attitude

By Fr Lazar Arasu

The Beat pull-out of the New Vision of May 13, 2016 lamented the indecent dressing that is becoming more and more prevalent in our city roads.

When the paper asked few individuals for their answers to the question: What they think about showing off skin and dressing in public; they answered candidly, "Women should own their bodies, they should be left to wear what they want." Another replied, "Let people wear what they want." Yet another merely retorted, "Are we bearing too much skin? It depends on who is looking, what's too much skin?" But right thinking people of any society will always show displeasure on the dressing habits. They always feel nostalgia for the "morally upright" behaviour of people. Surely decent clothing should be advocated so as to protect all parties involved in this changing modern trends.

Clement of Alexandria, a Christian scholar of third century said, "By no manner of means are women to be allotted to uncover and exhibit any part of their person, lest both fall,-the men by being excited to look, they by drawing on themselves the eyes of the men." So we come to know that the issues of decent dressing and modesty has been in humanity for time immemorial.

Modesty is not just being formal. Because we cannot be immodest in informal settings. In a broad sense modesty is 'one's way of life'. How one carries oneself in the world outside. It is the way people interact with others and make their relationship meaningful to themselves and to others. The word 'modesty' comes from the word mode, meaning: form, style, method, approach, type and manner. It involves a person's whole life. It primarily mean how one acts with his whole being; it encompasses virtues of humility, meekness, approachability, and friendliness.

In a narrow sense modesty speaks about the way one dresses. How a person, usually a woman, especially a young woman dresses and acts in public. It is all about etiquette.  As such, modesty is a kind of middle ground that does not seek to burden women with excessive coverings but that also considers the needs of others, so as not to inflame passions and lust.

True modesty reveals beauty. It also reminds that much more remains hidden and must be reserved only for the deepest relationship of intimacy within the boundaries of marriage. Hence our modesty protects oneself, the loved ones and our relationships such as marriage and family. Jessica Rey, an American popular fashion designer and actress puts it in right perspective, "Modesty isn't about covering our bodies because they're bad, modesty isn't about hiding ourselves... it's about revealing our dignity". Interestingly, Jessica give motivational talks on chastity and modesty.

Modesty is a mystery. Like many religious and sacred mysteries there is mystery hidden in modesty. As all mysteries are powerful and soul satisfying the mystery of modesty is powerfully attractive. It entices; it draws and holds one in a kind of suspense and ecstasy. At its heart, modesty is a reverence for mystery. It uses mystery to build the very relationship that is meant to unlock its secrets. The rightful revealing of modesty is in the intimate relationship of marriage. For the full benefit and enjoyment of this mystery, it should be safe-guarded, esteemed, and revered.

Modesty is virtue. Many women in our time are not taught modesty as a virtue and something to be kept sacred. It is more of a feminine virtue that honours and elevates them. Without modesty men are too often treated to a "full disclosure" or to disclosures that leave little to the imagination. Thoughtless disclosure would be more of a kind of "animal" instinct action that cannot usually hold the attention for a very long. Because once disclosed, is not longer a mystery, and its attractive power vanished too quickly. The who was made to be attracted too quickly also loses the mystery. He no longer values the woman for deeper reasons. The external beauty is treated as only skin deep, the women real mystery is undiscovered or rated cheaply.

Virtuous person is modest. Someone who is modest in words and actions will also be modest in dressing and external appearance. The following thought provoking saying is attributed to Akhenaton, a king of Egypt: "When virtue and modesty enlighten her charms, the lustre of a beautiful woman is brighter than the stars of heaven, and the influence of her power it is in vain to resist." A figure of an immodest woman may irresistibly appeal, but only for a very short while, but may cause aversion at a serious thought. Immodesty in dress causes destruction of the charm that we all possess.

The sight of immodest teenage girls and young women often makes bystanders and other concerned people to conclude many things. Modernists, fashionists and others who advocate misplaced emancipation may differ from the mainline thinking of the right thinking society. Surely the outer appearance is an indicator that we are right with our inner self and there is joy and contentment in our heart. A respectable society does care about how we look and act. In our day to day acts we give testimony about ourselves. It is possible to look right on the outside and be wrong on the inside. But it is not possible to look wrong on the outside and right on the inside. When we do not care about the testimony we give we represent and promote a valueless world.

Modesty and decency in dressing is all about presenting oneself rightly at the right place. A dress and costume appropriate and acceptable in one place and situation may not be acceptable and tolerable in another. But we should avoid any style of dress that is offensive or sends a message opposing the community's values. We all have different temperaments and feelings. Unreasonably stimulating or hurting our neighbors' feelings can lead to acts that are unpleasant or even dangerous to oneself and others.

The writer is a priest and a school administrator

www.arasulazar.org