Sex addiction: Why you need to seek help

A horde of addictions are spoken of in Uganda, but sex addiction is almost never one of them.

Hints, whispers maybe, rumors even, but seldom do you hear the words. A July 2015 police report on crime gathered over six months revealed that police records not less than 700 cases of defilement every month.

This means, at least over 20 children will get sexually abused every single day! Up to 787 rape cases were reported in those six months. You must be wondering what this has got to do with sex addiction right? 

Did you know that roughly 55% of convicted sex offenders in the United States are sex addicts? Even worse, another 71% of all child molesters are sex addicts. Shouldn't that in itself be a cause for worry?

In a chat with James Nsereko, a clinical psychologist in the country's national mental health hospital, Butabika, he said that to understand sex addiction, one has to ask themselves if they feel like they lack restraint on their sexual thoughts, urges and behaviour.

"Sex addiction is the persistent craving and engaging in sexual activities to a point where it affects one's productive and social life," he said. "However, in Uganda, because it is almost never seen as a problem, the patients never get appropriate assessment and treatment in its early stages."

He said just like any other addiction, sexual addiction, if not caught early, will progress and turn chronic. "If it does, the addicts could get self-destructive behaviour, such as compulsive and chronic masturbation, compulsive use of pornography, and just constantly find ways to satisfy these desires and sometimes even suicidal tendencies," he further explained.

Understanding the condition
The American Society of Addiction Medicine, in its article on the condition, defines it as a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry (which processes information).

When he spoke to the New Vision about the condition, Dr Julius Muron, a psychologist with Mulago Hospital said that this being a condition that stems from the brain, it could be displayed not only in sexual behaviour but in one's character as well. "Every human has what they call a Human Decision System found in the brain that helps make decisions," he says.

Gideon Wamboka, a private family counsellor and formerly a researcher with Makerere University, says to be keen on the signs. "One such sign is addiction to pornography to a point where one cannot sleep without watching it," he starts. "Some watch porn and masturbate concurrently, and even sometimes in public places."

He said that whenever a sex addict has sex, be guaranteed that they will not be satisfied, and in most cases, they will get moody, until when they next act. If a partner fails to satisfy them, they find multiple partners within a small period of time. "Note that if one is simply having a lot of sex because of uncontrolled urges, it is a problem," Wamboka said. "Most of these people will testify to having multiple partners and one night stands probably every day, every week."

Dealing with the condition
Nsereko said the sexual addiction is a manifestation of a series of unresolved traumatic experiences, say from their childhood. "Some could be traumatic experiences harboured in their subconscious, maybe a violent past, a sexual abuse, or just neglect," Nsereko said.

Indeed, Clare Marunga, a social worker with Hope For single Mothers, an NGO that deals with child sex workers and sometimes abused minors, says these experiences can trigger these urges. "These are terrible memories, that many times the individual uses these urges to keep their mind away from the real issue," she said.

But also, Nsereko said sexual addiction might be a thing that just started from adolescent curiosity, which at first is a natural urge, but soon, they get hooked. "This is even worsened by exposure to sex material, which they in turn experiment and get hooked," he said.

Nsereko, however, says that no matter the person, or age, sex addiction as a cry for help. "Before you judge, take a moment just try to understand why this person feels the need to sleep with all these people," he said. "Get them help. Ugandans need to get into the habit of talking to psychologist, counselors and all these people that could help shed the weight of a traumatic event."

But even as they get help, Wamboka said to support them consistently. "Without family support, the situation usually gets out of hand and could cause death," he advised. "Note that even after they have all that sex, they just want more, and then they start to feel empty, and sometimes suicidal."

More than anything, Nsereko advises that the person be committed, and stay away from any temptations. "Stay away from temptations, and alcohol or drugs. This is especially in the initial stages where one could easily dive back into the situation they are trying to fight," he said.

"Until you feel like you are in full control of your sexuality, then just keep off sex for a while or places that ooze sex such as strip clubs," Nsereko adds.