'Sleep well, my friend'

Sep 04, 2015

Nigel, a former colleague and confidant, eulogises the late Joyce Nyakato in a moving tribute.

Joyce Nyakato, a former features writer at New Vision passed on Wednesday at the Georgetown University Hospital in Washington DC. She is said to have been diagnosed with three brain tumours in July this year. Though non-cancerous, the tumours were growing in highly sensitive locations of the brain. Nigel, a former colleague and confidant, eulogises Joyce in a moving tribute that tells the world what the jolly football lover went through in the days leading to her demise:

Sad. Just like everyone else who knew Joyce Olufunmiso Nyakato, it will not sink in that she is gone. Not today, not this year, and I think not ever. It will not. Those of us to whom she was a colleague at New Vision, it's even harder to register - definitely a sad day for us all. A heartbreak it is. For me it's even scarier.

Joyce sat right next to me, to my left. The sitting arrangement, from right to left, was Stephen Ssenkaaba in the corner, then Joshua Kato Nsobya, myself, then Joyce Nyakato, now the late. Next on were Watuwa Timbiti, Nakajubi Gloria, and then Businge Conan Daniel before John Paul Eremu's ‘box office.' To her left, Watuwa Timbiti was always the serious type, so most of her chit-chat (she had lots of it), and consultation on this and that, naturally came to me. We were tight. We shared a lot. From office gossip, career guidance, pocket change, name it.

In fact, at work she was the first to read the tell-tale signs of a romance between me and an occasional visitor at our desk, a one Saragh M. Nigel M. Nigel, now my wife. "You should marry that girl, I think she cares about you," Joyce told me one day in 2011. And she was so happy when I married her three years down the road. Joyce was already at Indiana University pursuing her MA Public Health. But she in-boxed congratulating me, and reminding me how she saw it first. So clearly for me, death hit home.

I remember that "white boys" debate late night in the office as I sat on her computer, helping touch up her application essay for a scholarship at Indiana. As part of the touch-up, I had added the line: "Besides, I like white boys. Who knows? I might land one at Indiana University as part of the cultural diversity the institution would afford me." In the newsroom, we had always teased her about preferring white boys to us. In fact, Michael Kanaabi Dollar, who was present as I edited her statement, had chipped in and jokingly said, "Go home young girl, it's late.

You will get the scholarship even if you don't go at it with a fine-toothed comb. Just tell them you like white boys and they will give it to you." Kanaabi had said it jokingly, but it tickled my mind and I thought to add it to her essay… you know, just as a light moment for the selection team to digress on. Joyce initially didn't like it, thus the debate. But Kanaabi and I convinced her, and actually stayed till midnight reading over her shoulder to make sure she hit "Submit" without deleting that line.

Months later, she called from Indiana, her typical jolly laughter on, just to tell me how the "white boys" line had made her popular with the selection team, so much so that everyone wanted to meet her when she reported for school. The rest of the call was spent on laughing about the "white boys" line, and that is the last I ever heard her infectious laughter.


Still we kept in touch via social media, but irregularly. Joyce was always so busy studying and hustling to make her living expenses as well as top up the rest of her tuition (her scholarship covered only about 80% or thereabouts). So the hustle to make an extra buck for food, rent and utility bills alongside school was real. But she was a hard paper that one. In the end she had trounced it all, ultimately graduating with her Master's in Public Health early this year, and immediately embarking on a job-hunt.

We last had a Facebook chat in June through July after she had put her job hunt on hold over a debilitating health condition she was so scared about, and never even knew she had.

Following an incident on June 24th where she collapsed as she jogged in the morning, she woke up in the ER after a series of X-ray, MRI and CT scans that revealed masses on her brain and spine - which are pretty much initial signs of cancer. But then, according to her, further examination ruled out cancer. So, despite the initial scare, she had picked up hope again, her only worry being the hefty hospital bills her condition had ‘inadvertently' put her into.

In one of the chats she went like: "I don't even want to look at my bill now because it will kill me on its own. I was always warned against an ambulance's astronomic fees, but can you imagine a stranger had to call on me? Someone called 911 when I collapsed and an ambulance took me to the ER. It was scary seeing stuff I always saw in movies happening to me right there. It's just that what the movies don't show is the bills part. Can you imagine that ambulance ride alone cost me $1500 (sh5.5m)? Now that's beside the ER bills because I was admitted and put under inspection for 5 days. God help me afford them - I am sure that will take me about 6 years to clear.

But Nigel, let me tell you one thing to keep in mind if you ever come to study or live here in the U.S - you want to avoid the ambulance, it will set your family bankrupt." Hehe. That was funny. In fact, that day's conversation ended on a light note despite the fear about the bills (although in retrospect I think those bills also contributed to her death, with spikes in stress and blood pressure, those things.)

My next check-up on her was July 27th. She said she was still a mystery to the doctors, and actualy sounded more laid-back. Said even though cancer had been ruled out and masses put under control, she had been admitted again on July 16th over a bad headache that came with blurred vision and a high fever.

"Blurred vision scared me. I thought I was going blind. They put me on morphine while doing further brain checks that showed the masses were reducing and some lesions actually gone. The MRI scan showed I was okay, so as you chat with me now I am home, discharged. For the headaches I am still on steroids, which is a cancer drug with massive side effects. So I am dizzy most of the time. Headache still persists. Bones ache all the time. Have some bouts of insomnia. My head too feels heavy. I can't do any task that requires concentration because it spikes the headaches.


At the time I got admitted, even a phone vibrating near me would give me a headache. I couldn't talk. So that's me, Nigel. I am so scared, you need to pray for me. Sometimes I feel so down but I can't even cry because of the headache that follows. Because opening my mouth will bring back the sharp headache. They had to put me on morphine to relieve it. It still hurts but at least now I can tolerate a bit more noise, and be able to chat with some few friends on line. You know it gets lonely in this situation. You need to be in touch with your real friends back home. You know, just in case there is no other chance. I better leave you Nigel, that's enough brain activity for me today. Go on and search for the big jobs on-line, you are the one with the healthier brain now. Please scour Devex.com. It has good openings for Communications people. I have put a halt to my Job search now. But I hope I can start again.

Can I give you my login? Will try looking for it. I paid for it as a job seeker, a premium account. With that you get to see more openings to work with. More hidden ones. I haven't been active for long, so give me time. We moved and I don't have my laptop yet with me. I will send you the log-in once I get it. LinkedIn too is another good place. Keep looking. Bye Nigel, and please remember to pray for me, and send my regards to your family."

That was July 27th, 2015, my last chat with Joyce, my responses being just feeble and obviously scared ones: "Oh sorry", "Okay", "Go on", etc, etc.
That's why I cut them out to let hers flow. But I did pray for her, because the stuff she had said to me had left me spineless.

Clearly she was scared too. She didn't want to die, but from what it looked like, she had had a premonition, like she was resigned, no longer the insistent mukiga girl I knew; one who fought with all the passion for whatever she felt strongly about. She didn't get to send me her Devex.com password.

Because after there I kept logging in to ask if she got the password, and also get updates about her health. But it was all in vain. There was no one on the other side. Deep down in my heart I know she wanted to give me the password, just that she wasn't able to. I think the ailment had weakened her further. Because the Joyce I knew was a hard core lover of the internet. From about that time there wasn't much of activity on her social media accounts, not even twitter, her favourite.

Then, on Wednesday, September 1st, as I tried to make heads or tails of a massive Al-Shabaab attack on our soldiers in Somalia, wondering if some of those I met there had been involved in the mayhem, the news of Joyce's passing streamed through like a wild fire. My friend Princee Ray K N, a former classmate of Joyce's, was the first to Whatsapp me, telling me it's all over Facebook, and that the last she had heard about her was that her kidneys and liver started failing only last week.

That news stung. Especially because I had earlier suspected her situation might have got worse, but I didn't even do much to try other means of reaching her. It's now that I remember she mentioned she lived with her counsin, Zubeda Nanfuka Robinson, who once hosted the WBS TV programme Cook n' Dine. Remember her? I still want to inbox her and ask about the details of my friend's last days alive. But I don't have the courage yet. Because, Joyce, this hurts so badly.

But I am happy about one thing - your born-again values and way of life shone like a beacon through everything you did. And for that I know you are going straight to heaven! May God grant your family the strength to cope, and may a miracle happen for them to raise the more than $10,000 (sh37m) required to bring you back home so we can give you a befitting send-off.

And like Kyle Duncan Kushaba said in his eulogy, please forgive me if I can't muster enough courage to look at your lifeless body. I have an image in my head of how I want to remember you - that bubbly sports-loving, Bible-verse-quoting vivacious daughter of a mukiga, with a jolly smile to complete it. That image of you at the features desk getaways: in Kalangala where you and Gyozef Ssemutooke Son-of Kitaka 'buried' Martin Kanyegirire in the sand, at Lido beach where you and Sebidde Kiryowa overdosed on soda and fried fish while the rest got high and higher. Yes! That, and other images of the sort, is how I want to remember you, not a lifeless body! Plus, did you actually like them, white boys? Did you land any at Indiana? Guess we shall never know. But it shall be well, for you lived your life to the fullest. Till we meet again, Joyce. Sleep well, my friend

How colleagues remember her

Sly Nankya Heartbreaking developments there. Thanks Nigel for the tribute to Joyce. Reading about her death is as painful as trying to understand the first message that announced the tragedy. It's a tormenting episode of my life journey. I too have become a coward, even though she lies in my neighborhood now, I have walked to the place twice and walked away without doing anything. I can't stand looking at her lifeless body, it breaks my heart. The Joyce I knew always smiled at me, how can I look at her without a smile? What will I say to her? No way, Joyce, so far, call me a coward but I have refused but just sleep well


Nickson Turyahikayo Rwangabo i missed in this photo coz i was holding the camera

Michael Kanaabi Dollar yeah atleast u created this important memory Nickson Turyahikayo Rwangabo

Nickson Turyahikayo Rwangabo we will miss her

Joel Ogwang Oh dear me......

Mulekezi Tumwesige Ferdinand Sad moment indeed.God shouldn't take away anybody frm The New Vision journos.Very young ladies n guys committed to serving the nation. What I saw during my visit pleased me,datz why itz my darling paper. Nigel Nasser, take heart bro,hard as I can imagine, for none gets used to death. MAY HER SOUL REST IN ETERNAL PEACE

Martin Kanyegirire She has left lots of memories with us. She loved sport and I remember telling her I wasn't so much into football but loved hockey. And she said, 'ah... Fickle!', is all I remember. I can accept that as an NHL fan, hockey fans are some of the most fickle pieces of garbage fans in just about every sport. What I don't seem to accept is that she is gone. Memories.

The jokes Gilbert Brave used to make every time he saw me talk to her and then her innocent and consistent replies. Every Time!

Then the time in kalangala where she and Gyozef Ssemutooke Son-of Kitaka completely covered my body (from to toe to neck) with sand and the amusement that came after with satirical statements from Nigel M. Nassar and Gyozef. The values and the way she carried herself...

I don't want to say in grief that she is no more but say in thankfulness that she was... Her death is not light that's been extinguished. I guess it's just the switching off of the light because it's dawn and because God has called her to a better place. May her soul rest in peace!



Fundraising


Arrangements are being made to return Joyce's body home for burial. The account number for this cause is in the names of ROBERT NYAIKA, Stanbic Bank Forest Mall branch, account number is 9030011077772. For more details call JUSTUS KAANA 0772405669/ 0701405669.

ONLINE CONTRIBUTIONS

A fund (LINK - CLICK HERE) to help the Robinson family get Joyce's body and belongings back to her earthly home in Uganda has started. We hope to help the family so they can say their goodbyes and honor Joyce.

Any contribution is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for your help and prayers.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});