Women are better cheats

By Adonia Waibale

The verdict was passed before many of us could tell the difference between an erection and an election; before we could discern that with both words it all came down to length.

Men tried to fight it at first – most disturbing,  however, is that we tried to convince ourselves as well; we argued that we were different animals from our best friends (dogs) that unlike dogs we are not driven by primal instincts, we also went the ‘Judas’ mile and denied that we were not as polygamous as our fore fathers.

But if you believe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, then surely we are the spitting image of our fathers. Probably more tactical and less remorseful. I have no right to speak for every man, but believe it or not we are all intertwined to the same fate. So how about we skip the petty squabbles and have at it.

First and foremost, men are cheats, that’s not the truth, it’s a fact. It’s a fact because it’s self-explanatory; not because women have for so long suffered and quailed. But because we want them all – the small and slender, the chubby and multi-endowed, the frisky and adventurous, the conservative and traditional – all that Mother Nature breeds.

A man will whistle when Desire Luzinda passes by and double the verve when Barbara Yata begins to run her mouth and flaunt her not so palatable hind. He will ogle at a maid in her rugs with the same admiration he would a bikini model. For as long as there is a variety of women, all gifted in their own ways men will remain the demagogue of fidelity.

Because they have been at it for so long they are now predictable; in fact women say they can tell a player/ philanderer from the way he talks, the way he spends his money and even from the way he dresses. I don’t know how they do it, but mbu they just know.

For a very long time, men have dominated the philandering business and many have bastards as dividends but that’s beginning to change – one philandering woman at a time. What do the women have? They have their husbands raising other men’s kids.

While we were vehemently convincing them (women which we haven’t had much luck at by the way) that we can keep our pants on and won’t go thigh tracking the next pair of cake brown thighs neatly detained in a skirt short enough to arbitrate the idea of what lies beneath and beyond the ‘skirt-carpments.’

Women were all along mastering and resourcing ways to beat men at what they have been good at for decades. What they hoped to achieve is as you would have guessed the same old ideal – women emancipation or as I often refer to it, “women trying to be better men.”

Atrocious as it sounds women of this generation are better philanderers/players, better liars and much better flirts and hardly moved by flatters. A survey conducted by undercoverlover.com a dating site revealed that women are having more affairs today as compared to men.

The study found that a whopping 95% of women were unfaithful to their spouses or mates and the men trailed with 83%.

The survey highlighted that most of the women philandering are of the working class.

Unlike men, they don’t go on rampage or hunting – all they have to do is dress invitingly and the hounds will be drawn like starved hyenas. They are often heard stipulating that they are all about the teasing and the pleasing and it is only a surreal eventuality. But when they begin to flirt it feels like they are all about the pleasing and the teasing is only an incentive.

Remember when blushing used to be an involuntary response to a man’s charm? Today the lady player will blush all night and suffocate you with green lights – which will once or twice turn out to be false positives. All the sweet things you said whether you meant them or not is of little note to her.

She serves another master- herself. Jacob, a random nobody said he met a girl, clicked with her and took only her number home, “a few days later, she called me and said she wanted to hang out. It was either I had made such a good impression or she needed someone to pay her bill.

Turned out it was her friend’s birthday and they needed some blithe guy to keep the drinks coming.”

Another fellow called James remembered how he spent several nights digging deep into his pocket lavishing his girl-friend with hope that one day that title will read as one word – ‘girlfriend.’

Turns out she was engaged to be married and her fiancé a ‘nkuba kyeyo’ was expected here later that year. How that fact escaped her mind for over three months is all too convenient.

They don’t reject or accept when you approach them for a relationship. Those that reject you let you down easy insisting that you can only be friends but what they actually mean is that you join the long queue and when your turn comes they will let you know.’

They let you maraud in a maze of assumptions until you walk off a cliff . But before that, they will have you following them around bars, clubs and twitter without reciprocating the feelings.

This was bound to happen sooner than later; since men are dogs, finally we can get to call women bitches (female dogs) and still make the perfect couple.

THE KAMPALA SUN