'Mzungu' detoothed by her Mukiga love

Dec 02, 2013

I am writing this a few months after breaking up with my beloved. I am not seeking any revenge; my feelings are only of regret, sadness and heartbreak.

REAL LIFE STORY

I am writing this a few months after breaking up with my beloved. I am not seeking any revenge; my feelings are only of regret, sadness and heartbreak.

Heartbreak feels like mourning. With my brain and reason, I said goodbye to my Mukiga man, but not with my heart and feelings.

It all started in 2008, when I travelled to Uganda with my ex-husband. The 24 days I spent in Uganda, felt like I was in a different world. I felt only warmth around me, in every meeting I had with the Ugandans. I cried like a baby when the plane finally brought me back to the Netherlands.

At the time, I was married and lived in a small European village. I had a steady job and lived my life. I had been in an unhappy marriage for years, but saw no way out. My husband was addicted to alcohol.

It was in Africa, the womb of the world, that I realised I could not go on living like that. But it would take two more years before I finally took the step. My Ugandan love had everything to do with that decision.

Blossoming love

In the summer of 2010, we returned to Uganda. My brother-in-law had conceived a special sports project, which he wanted to launch in Uganda. That is when I met my Mukiga man, got to know him better and I realised he had everything I admired in a man.

He could give a speech like no other. He paid attention to his surroundings and was interested. He was, clearly, a man with depth.

During one busy week, when we went from school to school to promote the sports project, the relationship between him and me became more intense. We seemed quick to understand each other and shared the same vision and mission.

When I returned to the Netherlands, I needed him to help me tune up a few things. So, our mail contact started. The closer we got with my Mukiga man, the greater the distance became between me and my husband. The situation became so unsustainable, and, on one Monday night in October 2010, I took a decision to leave my husband of 23 years.

New life

With my bag and laptop, I fled the hopeless marriage, hoping to find freedom in Uganda. In December, I celebrated Christmas in my second homeland, Uganda, with the Mukiga man, whom I loved so much. The physical attraction was mutual and thus began our three-year romance.

He was married and had just become a father and was the family’s breadwinner. While everyone’s hope was fixed on him, he set his on me. I still wonder if he actually loved me or had made his calculations. Was I the financial gateway?

Made to pay lots of bills

Before I knew it, our conversations became centred on money, career and investment. I had a good network around me and used it well. First, I helped him buy a large piece of land, which cost me 30,000 euros (sh105m).

Then I started paying fees for his two brothers in a reputable school. His cousin went to college and I made sure he got a laptop. I paid his father’s debts, bailed out a relative, paid hospital bills for relatives ..the list is longer.

For my Mukiga man to come to Europe, I had to pay for his air ticket. I also made sure his family enjoyed a reasonable quality of life while he stayed with me in the Netherlands. I wanted him to migrate and give him a new start in my country. My friends ensured that he succeeded, got business connections and became comfortable.

U-turn

When plans were getting more formal, my Ugandan love suddenly complained that his family back home needed a proper shelter. The house he wanted cost me 40,000 euros (sh140m). I tried my best and did everything I could to make him appreciated, in the hope that he would offer me his heart. Most of this was at my own expense.

Besides my busy job, I started working in the evening, I sold my expensive car and took a personal loan to support him. And every time, he assured me that we were almost there and I believed him.

In January 2013, things suddenly took a wrong turn. We were talking about our progress when, suddenly and out of the blue, my Mukiga man started complaining that I treated him like “a burden” and so, it was over. He picked his bags and returned to Uganda.

I was totally shattered and destroyed financially and emotionally. I was broken and did not know where or whom to turn to.

Thank God, I have very nice friends around me, who are helping me through this difficult time. Everything people had warned me about African men who have relationships with European women, had come to pass.

Picking up pieces

I cannot believe that my Mukiga man did not love me, but acted out of self-interest. Every day, I think about him and the thoughts are causing me pain. Uganda is still in my heart. I love the country and the people, although memories of my Mukiga man have clouded the picture I have of Ugandans.

Someday, I will return to Uganda, but not now, because it hurts too much.

That he has finally taken my blind faith in the sincerity and goodness of human beings away from me, I take him to blame. I hope I can finally forgive him for what he did. To forget is impossible. I would have loved him for a thousand years and probably a thousand more.

But he deceived me. His wife was expecting a third child and he did not tell me. I found out from friends who attended a meeting with him that he was only talking about Uganda and about his pregnant wife. Not a word about me! My friends thought it was very strange not to talk about me. And when leaving Holland, he did not even say goodbye!

Back at home, he did not get in touch for three weeks. I do not think that is how you treat a person you love. Now, he wants to us to meet! I simply can’t.