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Heart matters: We are single moms and not looking for marriage

By Vision Reporter

Added 28th September 2013 04:20 PM

“When I was at the peak of my career, I fell in love with the man I thought was Mr Right. And naturally, like every girl in love I saw marriage in the pipeline. One thing led to another, and I got pregnant before we were married.

Heart matters: We are single moms and not looking for marriage

“When I was at the peak of my career, I fell in love with the man I thought was Mr Right. And naturally, like every girl in love I saw marriage in the pipeline. One thing led to another, and I got pregnant before we were married.

By Angela Kateemu

Sarah is a single mother in her thirties, this is her story:
“When I was at the peak of my career, I fell in love with the man I thought was Mr Right. And naturally, like every girl in love I saw marriage in the pipeline. One thing led to another, and I got pregnant before we were married. 
 
Long story short, he fled. I was a 30-year-old working woman, not getting any younger, so abortion was out of question. My little angel Daniella is six years now and she is the reason I get up every day and head out to work. 
 
I have a great job, I live in a comfortable home. Why do I want a husband?”

Tired of drama
Shall we get off our moral high horses and tip our hats to these ladies who are both mother and father and are happy? 
 
It is not an easy undertaking and if they say they love it and want to keep it that way, it is because of the emotional, financial and physical investment they have put in. 
 
Many single mothers have a painful tale or two.
“Sometimes you love someone who doesn’t love you back. Sometimes you love someone who isn’t available. 
Sometimes you don’t have anyone to love at all.
 
Sometimes the only people available in your “potential life partner” group are immature,” says Martha. “I’m tired of all that!” Jackie says: “I take great offence to the fact that since I have a child you think I am incapable of dating.”

Children come first
I was following an online social forum and the discussion was ‘Why you shouldn’t date/marry single moms.” Frank, the author of the controversy cites ‘her baggage’, ‘failure to convince your mother to accept your single mom girlfriend’ and ‘the fact that most of these women don’t want to have other children’ as the reasons you shouldn’t dare.
 
It turned out Frank was brought up by a single mom who kept her dating life active.
 
“I grew up in a broken home, and as a child, I lived through a tremendous amount of strife and trauma, to the point where I even lost my home.” 
 
Most single moms are not so keen on jumping into another relationship because, they don’t want to put their children through the kind of trauma that Frank lived through– being introduced to one too many ‘uncles’ who share mom’s bed. 
 
‘My children comes first, dating may have to wait,” says Annette.
 
“Why would I be with someone who has been to monkey town?” This is downright juvenile! A double standard: it is okay for a man who has planted his seeds all over the place to want a good virgin girl to marry but it is so wrong for a woman who has had a baby to hope she will find love.
 
“Be prepared for any number of uncomfortable situations, from disapproving grandparents to gossiping co-workers,” Moses says of dating single moms. 
 
It is because of such stigma that single moms would rather not date again.
 
She’s not a gold-digger looking to be rescued. Have you ever considered that single mums don’t actually need financial help and that they just want to be in relationships and loved just as much as single, childless people?
 
Men who date single mothers think they are doing them a favour, but single mothers are not willing to take any more beating from life.
 
 
 

Heart matters: We are single moms and not looking for marriage

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