Talk about money during courtship

By Sylvia Juuko

TOPIC: People are secretive about money. However, if you are thinking about spending forever with somebody, you need to open up

Talking about finances is arguably one of the most delicate areas for couples in a new relationship or marriage.

While there is no consensus on when and how to broach the subject of money, most people agree that this issue can make or break a couple’s relationship.

Depending on the background and, to some extent, religious beliefs, some couples will tell you that it helps to deliberately broach the subject of money during courtship. They reckon that once you get married, all the discussions and communication about your household finances should be open and candid.

The more conservative couples will argue that they can never disclose their net worth or income to their partner because of the unfounded belief that it may fuel fights in the relationship.

The people who dispense advice about money at the time of courtship, such as parents/guardians, extended family and church leaders also form impressions in the minds of couples.

For example, (depending on the level of influence they hold over you and your age), if your parents advised you against disclosing how much you really earn to your spouse, would you defy them?

What if they give reasons for their argument?

For the sake of maintaining a healthy relationship, it’s good to listen to advice from all sources. But remember that at the end of the day, it’s the couple in the marriage that will be dealing with these money attitudes and habits.

With that in mind, the couple should focus on understanding each other’s beliefs about money during courtship.

For example, one could be spendthrift yet their partner saves religiously. If such differences are not discussed and understood initially to create consensus, it could be the source of fights when the courtship period and honeymoon ends. What can complicate matters is if the spendthrift partner earns more than the one that saves money.

Therefore, if such a scenario is not addressed head-on to find a solution, it’s likely to cause bickering and disagreements, which may stall major financial decision-making. Remember to hold such conversations with tact because people get emotional about financial issues, given that these are long held beliefs about money.

For that reason, if you are interested in a transparent and meaningful relationship, you are better off bringing these issues to the fore.

Candidly talk about your weaknesses and strengths and delve into issues like financial planning and discover what it means to both of you.

For example, what will your budget be like in terms of saving and expenditure needs?

What is your current income and what opportunities are available to expand this income. What will be your big expenditure items and how are they going to be financed. Issues like the level of debt and consumption habits should not be ignored.

Discuss the habits related to money that bring about discomfort and likely to lead to eventual blow ups and consider what can be tolerated and what should be discarded.

Remember that if your habits are misaligned, it’s very easy to breach your financial goals.

For example, if you agreed to operate an education fund and your partner uses these savings to purchase a flat screen TV, a row is inevitable. That’s why you need to discuss, try and reach a consensus and make decisions that support your financial goals.

Another important issue is whether you will operate a joint account or other specific accounts for the projects you intend to carry out.

In your plans, don’t forget to include a component for rewarding milestones as well as entertainment every week if the resources allow.

Open communication should underpin all issues and decisions about money in your household since it will affect your life plan.

Your different financial status, circumstances and level of knowledge and type of partner should give you an idea about how best to broach this subject.

The writer works with Bank of Uganda