What could have killed Kankunda's marriage in two weeks?

Saturday Vision

Prossy Kankunda was a member of the defunct KADS Band. She has sang several love songs, such as Akalulu, which are mostly played at weddings and introduction ceremonies. In December 2012, she married Moses Mugume, only for the media to report that she had sought divorce after two weeks. She and Mugume spoke to Vicky Wandawa about what transpired

MOSES MUGUME

The first time I saw Prossy, I was a child of about 10 years. My elder sisters and I used to watch the KADS Band perform.

Fast forward, in February 2012, I went to Water Front Beach in Entebbe and found Prossy performing. It was not love at first sight, it was sympathy first. When I looked at her performing that night, I thought about all the things I had heard about her and felt sorry for her.

I had heard that she had a child with a certain politician who had abandoned her. She then ran off to Mbarara, where she worked at a radio station and performed at wedding ceremonies.

How it all started

After her performance, I went and asked her where she had been all along. I lied to her that I had a business deal for her, but I just wanted her contacts, so that if anyone asked me for someone to perform at their function, I would give them her number.

Our conversation lasted about two minutes. I honestly had no romantic feelings for her.

Getting her a business deal

Interestingly, about two weeks later, my elder brother, who was about to wed, asked me to suggest an artiste to sing at his wedding. I immediately called Prossy, who asked to see me to discuss the details.

When I went to meet her at Water Front Beach, I was astonished at the way she welcomed me with a big hug. I had expected a formal greeting.

We spoke for about two hours, but nothing was said about my brother’s wedding. She would go on stage and perform, and when she would get off, we would continue our conversation. We mainly talked about personal things. She was tipsy and requested me for a lift to her home in Entebbe. I dropped her off and drove back to Kampala.

I called her two days later and reminded her that we had not talked about her performing at the wedding. She told me she only needed to be given means of transport to the venue and female traditional dancers.

Prossy and I become close

The following week, Prossy had a performance in Jinja. By then, we were getting close to the extent that I drove her to the venue. She came with her friends and dancers and introduced me as her new friend.

Her performance was great and we had fun. On our way back, she got drank. By then, I had noticed that whenever she got high, she became violent and possessive of me.

We returned to Kampala at around 2:00am. By then, I lived in a two-bedroom house in Bweyogerere. Since I had to get up early for work the following day, I asked Prossy and her cousin to stay for the night. I picked them up the following afternoon and took them back to Entebbe.

Prossy opens up about her past

While in Entebbe, she told me that I met her at a point when she was considering taking her life. She said she drank all day because she felt dirty and depressed because several men she had trusted had used her and abandoned her.

Prossy also told me she often fought in bars and she once pushed a fellow singer into a swimming pool at a hotel.

She asked me whether I could handle her, saying I deserved someone better. My response was: “You can change.” She said she was ready to change.

She also told me about her two children. She said the first-born, who was in Senior One, had lost her father. She added that the relationship with the father of her second-born, who was a baby by then, had failed to work out. However, I had heard that her second-born was fathered by a prominent politician who abandoned her.

But I was more concerned about the cause of death of the first child’s father. She confirmed my suspicions that it was AIDS, but reassured me that he had passed on long after their relationship had ended.

Music helped us bond

We went for HIV tests and both of us turned out negative. By then, it was clear we were in love. Along the way, music helped us bond. I loved music and I supported her to the extent of driving her to faraway places for gigs.

I jokingly told her I would get her what she had always wanted, a wedding. This was only a month into our relationship. I was 28 and she was about 37.

Opposition from family

However, when I told my family that we were dating, they were shocked.

“Do you know what you are doing?” they wondered.

They were uncomfortable about her reputation, the children from previous relationships and her age.

A few days later, I dropped the bombshell; we were planning to get married. They were mad that while they were still trying to come to terms with the fact that we were dating, I was announcing plans to get married.

When I told some friends, word spread like a wild fire. I even got calls from people in the UK, asking me what I was thinking.

My family held meetings to beg me to reconsider my decision, saying I was too young and could get any woman I wanted. However, as a Christian, I thought perhaps this was God’s plan for me; to be a saviour in someone’s life.

My father gave his blessing

It is only my father who gave me his blessing, although he was initially against the marriage. He said I should follow my heart and that age is just a number.

 I lost many friends who said they could not be witness to a wrong decision. My bestman, who is also my cousin, only allowed to play the part because we had always promised to be each other’s bestmen.

Wedding preparations

Three months into our relationship, I went with Prossy to All Saints Cathedral, Nakasero and asked to book a wedding date.

After talking to the receptionist, I turned and found Prossy in tears. I asked her why she was crying and she said she had never believed that a man would ever want to walk her down the aisle. Prossy said our marriage would disprove all those who said she would never find a man to marry her.

We set the wedding date for December 29, 2012 and the introduction a week before that.

She told me her parents had their fingers crossed, waiting for the wedding. But her mother regularly called me, saying: “I hope you know what you are doing.” She even asked me whether I could handle staying with her daughter.

I had even planned for us to live with Prossy’s children after the wedding, but Prossy’s mother chose to stay with them.

Family suggests compromise

My family then suggested that we hold an introduction and live together for a while, before getting married, to give me an opportunity to study Prossy. I agreed to the suggestion, but Prossy was mad, saying she had already told her family about our wedding.

I did not give much bride price

We had a colourful kuhingira. Although our relatives helped in the preparation, very few made financial contributions.

Her parents were aware that they did not deserve much bride price, considering her age and the fact that she had children. So, I did not give them much.

We then planned two wedding receptions, a lunch with our parents at Holiday Express Inn in Kampala and then dinner with our friends, her fans and musicians at the Water Front Beach. Because my parents are Born-again Christians, I knew they would be uncomfortable around Prossy’s fans.

Her parents ask for sh5m

However, a few days before the wedding, Prossy’s parents asked for sh5m as bride price, saying their daughter was worth more. I was in a financial crisis, but my family vowed that they would not be part of it.

Fights set in

The quarrels started immediately. As I chatted with some ladies at Water Front Beach, Prossy walked over to the table and asked whether I had already started cheating on her.

I tried to lead her away and suggested that I call her matron to help her calm down, but she said I should go ahead and sleep with her as well if I wanted. She had taken just one beer, so I cannot say she was drunk.

The fighting did not end there. She was violent at home and sometimes threatened me with knives. I wondered whether she was possessed, because every time she fought me, I felt a lot of strength in her hands.

One day, I was in town when she called me, saying she was not feeling well. I went home and found her in the sitting room. I asked how she was feeling, but she did not respond. When I asked whether there was food in the kitchen, she told me to go and check.

There was nothing, so I cooked Irish potatoes. I later carried the food to the table and asked her if she wanted to eat, but she said no.

Before long, she was breathing heavily, saying she knew I missed my girlfriends. She threw my plate down, but I did not fight her. I decided to go out, but she blocked the door, saying I should not walk away, but fight like a man. This is a statement she made in all the subsequent fights.

I found my way out. The maid threw me my car key and I headed to her mother’s house. I could not go home to people who had warned me against marrying her. Her mother called her on my phone and Prossy abused her, thinking it was me. She then rebuked her mother for using my phone.

That is when my mother-in-law advised me to leave Prossy. However, I wanted to make it work, so I went back and the fighting continued.

I could not even pick up a phone without first explaining to her who the caller was. Whenever I got home, she would check my phone to see who I had talked to and read my text messages.

Every after a fight, she would be remorseful, saying she did not know what came over her. One night, after being remorseful, we went to bed a happy couple. At about 1:00am, I woke up and found her breathing heavily. She said I was playing on her mind and was cheating on her. She started fighting me. I had an early meeting in Kyenjojo, but I ran out of the house in only a vest. I had to buy a shirt in Kyenjojo.

Every time she quarrelled, she would break household items. The gatekeeper would often call me to tell me what she had done, for example when she burnt my clothes. My relatives tried to intervene, but she abused them.

PROSSY KANKUNDA

How did you meet?

I met Moses in 2011, when I was a member of Fusion Band. The attraction between us was gradual.

What attracted you to him?

He loved music and was supportive of my music career.

Did you really seek divorce after two weeks in marriage?

I did not wed to divorce. As far as I am concerned, I am married to Moses Mugume and I have no intentions of divorcing him. It took me years to accept marriage, which I believe is a lifetime commitment. The only issue is that I am based in Pretoria, South Africa and he lives in Uganda. However, we talk to each other everyday and he will be joining me soon.

Is it true his relatives were against your marriage?

Yes, there was a lot of rejection at the beginning, but they eventually accepted me when Moses insisted that I was his only choice. Unfortunately, after the wedding, they kept coming up with issues to make Moses leave me. They even went to the Reverend who wedded us to ask for advice on how we could be separated.

Do you know why?

A lot of ill was said about me, including that I take a lot of alcohol. Others said musicians are not the best people to marry. The family was also uncomfortable with the fact that I have two children. They also claimed that I am way older than Moses. He is like the ‘biscuit’ of the family, so they were really concerned about our relationship.

How old are your children?

I am not comfortable sharing that in the media.

What happened between you and the father of your children?

All I can say is I was not married to the father of my children because I had not yet made up my mind.

Are you older than Moses?

I was born in 1976, while Mr. Mugume was born in 1979. I am older than him by only three years.

Did his family ever confront you?

Yes, but I did not retaliate.

For how long did you date?

We had known each other for a while, before we cohabited for about one-and a- half years, then wedded.

When did his family get to know about his intention to marry you?

About a year before the wedding.

Did you fight with Mugume on your wedding night?

We had two receptions. After our church function on Saturday, we had a lunch reception for our parents at Holiday Express Inn in Kampala. On Sunday, we held a reception for friends and fans at Water Front Beach in Entebbe. We had a small disagreement in Entebbe, but there was no fight.

What was it about?

I don’t even remember; I think it was over food. We exchanged a few words, but we sorted the issue out and later left as happy newly-weds.

Why are you living apart?

After the wedding, I had a misunderstanding with Moses, just like any married couple. He called his sister to our house, to help us settle the issues, but she instead reminded me that I was never wanted in the first place. We wedded on December 29, 2012 and had the misunderstanding on January, 15, 2013.

What was it about?

I don’t want to share that in the papers.

What happened after the fight?

I relocated to South Africa, with his approval, and he will join me soon with the children.

Why South Africa?

We had had plans of going there because we thought there were better opportunities for me as a musician. We also thought he would find work there. But because of the fight, I had to leave earlier than we had planned.

When had you planned to leave?

After the birth of our first child, which would have been in September. However, I miscarried at three months in March due to the stress.

What exactly are you doing in South Africa?

I am still trying to settle down.

What happened to your music?

I occasionally perform at functions.

What has this taught you?

That I should not trust people.

What advice would you give a wife in a similar situation?

Married couples should keep their secrets or problems to themselves and not involve relatives or anyone else.

Wedding

The wedding was simple. My bestman and I didn’t wear suits; only shirts and jackets. There was also no big cake or video cameras.

During the church ceremony, the main celebrant, the Rev. Steven Gerenga, did something interesting; instead of asking once, whether anyone had any reason to stop us from getting married, he asked five times. He would say: “I repeat, and this time I am not joking...”

The wedding cost me sh12m. However, after Prossy had gone to South Africa, service providers kept calling me, asking for payment for services for which I had given her money.

The reception at Water Front Beach was more like a drink-up.

Although our relatives attended the wedding, I knew my family members were unhappy, judging by the look on their faces. I think they kept thinking: “We have given up on convincing him otherwise. Let him go into the fire we have warned him against.”

Unlucky in love

Before Prossy, I had a girlfriend for a year, but she later told me that her parents had betrothed her to a man who had paid her tuition.

She was my first girlfriend and she was at university then. She used to stay with the man, but kept lying to me that she stayed with an aunt. Whenever I dropped her home, she asked me to park a distance away “because her aunt would kill her if she saw a man dropping her off”

End of marriage

I was kicked out of my house and started from zero, buying plates and spoons.

Prossy even went to my place of work and lied that since I was a field officer, I often forged receipts for cash refunds. Fortunately, I had talked to my supervisor about our problems.

She then left for South Africa. However, she recently called me when she was in Kampala and I told her we could no longer be together. She asked me whether I wanted a child, but I told her I did not want to put her through childbirth at her age; she is approaching 40.

I want a baby someday, but not with her. I was tortured and it will take time for me to date again. I get attracted to girls, but when I think about dating again, I shudder. I have got a lot of counselling, but in vain. It will take me about three years to think about dating again.