Why would one murder their spouse?

Sunday Vision

By Hope Sande

The media is awash with stories about people killing their spouses. One of the main reasons they seem to do it is because of infidelity. But what kind of passion turns a person from being in love one minute into a cold blooded killer the next?

There was an increase in domestic violence in 2010 and 2011, but according to statistics, it slightly reduced in 2012. The Police force is aware of it and we are doing our best to reduce these cases. That is why the domestic violence unit was made a full department by an act of Parliament in 2012. People have to know that with such murder cases, there can be no bail,” says Ibin Senkumbi, the Kampala Metropolitan police spokesperson.

What drives a person to kill?

Eugene Kinyanda, a psychologist and suicidologist, says: “Most people kill due to anger, for example if they get their spouse in bed with another person, the rage can be overwhelming.

“There are those that have mental illnesses, or are paranoid and so cannot control it. Sometimes, it is the emotional distress that prepares the psychological grounds for committing murder.

“People kill for different reasons. The common ones are influence of alcohol; if one is rich and the marriage is breaking and does not want to share the finances; people who grow up in violent families find it easy to be violent and could end up murdering their spouses,” Kinyanda says.

According to Julius Muron, a consultant psychiatrist, there are normal and abnormal responses that may lead someone to murder their spouse. But surprisingly, most domestic murders are committed by the normal person, in a fit of jealous rage.

“Some people do not know how to control their anger, are short tempered and act on impulse, then later regret their actions,” Muron adds.
About two weeks ago, an 18-year-old girl in Kamuli, in a fit of rage, slit her lover’s throat and he died from overbleeding in hospital. She later told the Police in a tearful confession that she never meant to harm him.

“For a person with mental health problems, the cause could be voices in their head, or drug intoxication. Unfortunately, the closest person at hand may be the spouse who ends up being the victim,” Muron says.true          Spouses kill their partners because of overwhelming rage after finding out that their partners are cheating

What can be done?

Should anger be an excuse for someone to act out to the extent of killing their spouse?

Ruth Senyonyi, a counselling psychologist with Bank of Uganda, says: “It all starts out of anger which grows into bitterness and finally turns into rage. Someone is angry and gets angrier every time they look at the person, they want to hurt them the way they are hurt. It is always a hatched plan. It does not happen in one night; it is built up anger, something from behind that keeps piling.”

“Couples need to learn to communicate when angry. Talk about things that have made you angry so that they are not repeated. This will help to always resolve issues easily and not to pile up anger that might make you do things you will regret later,” Senyonyi says.

Communication in marriage may sometimes not be easy, especially when both parties are angry. In that case, it might be better to involve a third party.

“Such is brought up by issues not settled for a long time, someone just blows up. Some people in marriages might have mental problems that are not recognised easily and if they do not get medical help, they end up committing crimes, including murder,” Senyonyi says.

People need to know that the difference between a failed and happy marriage is not lack of challenges, but how they are solved. Arguments are always part of marriage, but couples have to look for the mechanism to solve them as they arise instead of burying them under the carpet.

If the two of you feel like you cannot resolve a problem, seek professional help; look for someone who will help without taking sides.
The problem with many couples is that they like taking matters to family members who end up taking sides. This worsens the other person’s anger, escalating the problem further.

“Resolving issues means coming to an understanding and forgiving without blaming each other,” Gaston Byamugisha, a marriage counsellor at Kyambogo University says.

There will always be better solutions to marital problems, excluding murder, after all when you murder someone, you will be haunted for the rest of your life.