Why you need time for two
Jul 03, 2013
Do not let your job, children, friends or extended family come between you and your man, brides are always told during the bridal showers.
By Agnes Kyotalengerire
Do not let your job, children, friends or extended family come between you and your man, brides are always told during the bridal showers.
Surprisingly, a few months down the road, many couples find themselves absorbed in work or their homes full of relatives, making it hard for them to cuddle on the couch or enjoy each other’s company.
Beatrice Okello, a marriage counsellor, who has been married for 30 years, says couples should plan to spend time together amidst their hectic schedules.
Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Languages of Love, says quality time is one of the five languages of love. The other four are acts of service, gifts, physical touch and words of affirmation.
Chapman notes that nothing says “I love you,” like undivided attention. Being there for your spouse is critical, but being there with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby, makes them feel truly special and loved.
‘‘Distractions, postponed dates or failure to listen can be hurtful,’’ warns Chapman.
Joseph Musaalo, a counsellor at Uganda Christian University Mukono, says quality time enables couples bond freely and share what is going on in their lives.
According to Musaalo, it is healthy for couples to hold hands, admire and encourage one another and avoid things which stress them.
“Identify each other’s strengths and focus on them. When quality time is not observed, other qualities get lost, he warns.
Quality time is not about going to expensive places
Clemence Byomuhangi, a counsellor at the East African Professional Counselling Institute, who has been married for 25 years, says a relationship is like a plant. “You have to keep watering it or else it withers,” she warns.
Byomuhangi says quality time does not necessarily mean going out to expensive places.
“Engaging in small activities, such as walking or jogging can make a difference. While you walk or jog, talk and appreciate each other,” Byomuhangi advises.
She adds that a couple can watch their favourite movie together or do chores like cooking or washing dishes, while talking about things that interest them. According to Byomuhangi, such activities help the couple to bond.
For couples whose homes are crowded with relatives, Byomuhangi says they can plan a get-away on some nights.
“Book yourselves into a hotel, away from the home environment. But do not take work on the trip,” she advises.
Maria Ahebo, a married woman and mother of three, says: “Twice every month, we leave the children under the care of a baby-sitter and go out for dinner. We hold hands, talk and appreciate each other. By the time we return home, we are energised and yearning to cuddle and sleep.
Similarly, Patricia, a first-time mother, says her weekends are reserved for her husband.
“We both have busy schedules, but we try to spend time together over the weekend. We also make sure we have lunch together once a week,” she says.
Linda, a mother of two working in a reputable firm in Kampala, says their quality time is when they take a shower together.
“While we are in the bath tab, we appreciate each other’s body. We talk, play and by the time we go to bed, we are ready to make our bedroom ministry excel,” she notes.
With or without children, Musaaalo says it is important that couples create time to be together for their marriage to blossom. He adds that quality time can also be spent in the presence of God. ‘‘Find time and pray together,’’ Musaalo advises.