Are you a wife or party girl?
Jun 13, 2013
Tthe news about Edith’s intending marriage five years ago came as a relief to her close family, many of whom thought she was a ‘spoilt girl’ because of her active night life.
By Carol Kasujja and Vicky Wandawa
Tthe news about Edith’s intending marriage five years ago came as a relief to her close family, many of whom thought she was a ‘spoilt girl’ because of her active night life.
Edith’s mother thought marriage would cut down on her daughter’s partying lifestyle.
To date, nothing has changed about Edith, now a mother of two. Her husband keeps complaining about how she neglects her wifely duties, to hang out with friends.
He says Edith works from Monday to Saturday, but always comes back late in the night, reeking of alcohol. She has no time for him and the children. The home is ran by the maid.
Edith’s colleagues at her workplace doubt she is married because of the way she behaves–she flirts with every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Sometimes, her dress code leaves nothing to the imagination and she does not miss any office party.
Shallon Muhumuza, a.k.a Bianca, an artiste and a mother-of-two, says if you took a seat in the furthest corner in a nightclub, you would not tell who is married and who is not.
“All the women look the same. They dress indecently and guzzle alcohol like they are competiting, yet a number of them are married mothers,” she says.
Muhumuza adds: “When you were single, you could leave everything to the maid, but marriage requires that you pay more attention to chores.
Homes have been surrendered to maids, to the extent that when they are not around, a married woman resorts to ordering fast food.
“I have heard of women who instruct maids to lay their beds and wash their underwear.
This is Africa, where a woman has obligations. Unfortunately, we seem to copy Western culture. Some things are non-applicable here,” she adds.
Regarding the dress code, Muhumuza says some married women may wear a blouse as a dress and walk straight to a night club.
“Men love to see and will be pleased, but after he is married to you, he would prefer you dress decently,” she advises.
One may argue that it is okay for these women to have a life away from their family and have fun with their friends.
But another may argue that when a woman gets married, she should change her lifestyle to fit the title by staying home more, enhancing her cooking skills, quit flirting and perhaps wear less revealing clothes. There should be a distinction between a single and married woman.
However, Emily Mwebaze, a married woman and mother of three, says. “When a man loves you, I think he also loves the package he is seeing, the way you dress and behave. So, I think a woman should remain the package the man knows and loves even in marriage.”
She adds that if a man fell in love with a party animal and after marriage she does not want to step out, he will get another party animal.
“When you get married, you have people to take care of; the husband and later, children. So, you have more responsibility, which you have to adjust to.”
“If you were used to having your house cleaned by a maid, when you get married, you should spare time and do general cleaning yourself and mind about your husband’s clothes,” he advises.
Experts say
Paul Nyende, a psychologist at Makerere University, says change in a relationship is essential and critical.
“Without changing, failure will not be far away from your relationship. If your partner is not comfortable with your character, dress code or the way you talk, change immediately, otherwise, you will have conflicts over small things,’’ he explains.
Nyende adds that adjusting will even show that you respect your partner.
“If your partner wants you to change, you need to talk over it and shed off a few things to fit in his or her taste. But do not just change to make the other person happy, you must be willing.
‘‘And if you are approached to change, do not say you do not want to change, instead say you will work on it,’’ he says.
Monica Okello, a marital counsellor and pastor’s wife at Deliverance Church, says change is vital when one gets married.
According to Okello, the changes include;
Ensuring that you always serve him yourself.
Inappropriate dressing like tights should be given away to your younger sisters.
Learn to control your temper.
There is no reason you should be in a night club, unless he is in your company.
Try to keep your distance from the singles because you may be enticed to live their way of life.
Be submissive, despite your postion at work.