Shut up and relate

By Sarah Akello

You do not always have to voice your  opinion. Sometimes, it is alright to just listen, and nod your head to show interest. The problem with most women is that we actually know how to converse.

We instinctively know when our peers or spouses need support, and someone in their corner, and a serious pep talk. Maybe that's why we know how to gossip; we let people ride with their thoughts especially on shallow and fun topics so everyone is happy.

No need arguing over the fact that someone thinks they can drive, or why they hate someone, or why the Kardashians are so cool and watching them isn't shallow. It doesn't hurt    a fly, won't destabilise the economy, and definitely won't unearth Sejusa's letter.

Men on the other hand have this habit of thinking their opinion is always relevant, and cannot seem to have a conversation where they just take the backseat and listen. Somehow, someone somewhere convinced them that they always have to contribute to every conversation.

I think it has to do with the fact that when it comes to conversations like sports, they throw around their opinions and shove them down each other’s throats, as none of them is really going to listen, let alone agree to the other's opinion. The problem is, they get so absorbed in this, that it becomes a habit they carry on to other conversations.

Amongst friends, it's cool. I mean, it's not like you will come off as a Mr. Know it all, seeing as you don't spend 90% of your time with them. But, when it's with a partner, such habits make conversations draining.

I mean, it's not like you can comfortably have a shouting match with your spouse over dinner, with each of you trying to voice and defend your opinions about something as delicate or petty as the importance of ketchup on posho, or the people you have decided to do away with in your life, or why you think your family overreacts and just doesn't understand your decisions...etc.

Clearly, if your girl brings up something in conversation, especially if the tone is more in need of a supportive response, why would you bother even thinking you should contradict her? It's just wrong. Men need to seriously learn simple basics like how to nod and still show interest.

And generally how not to always seem like they have to let you know that they disagree with what you are saying. It just makes people feel vocally irrelevant.

Women love to talk. Women love to vent. Women love to have an audience when they do that. Just like a play is impossible to perform when the audience keeps pointing out how they can do it better, it’s hard for a woman to talk to someone that is always insistent on not being on the same page and not letting them vocally shine.

I guess all I'm saying... guys ... learn how to hold a conversation without turning it into an argument. Believe it or not, most of the time, it’s just a conversation, not an opportunity to justify why your opinion is right.