Would you marry an illiterate person?
May 23, 2013
When it comes to picking a partner, most people have a sketch of the ideal person engraved on their mind. This is crowned by a long list of “must-have” qualities like intelligence, honesty, sense of humor, stability, communication skills and character.
Marrying someone in spite of their illiteracy? It bridges two worlds, but obviously has its challenges, writes Titus Kakembo
When it comes to picking a partner, most people have a sketch of the ideal person engraved on their mind. This is crowned by a long list of “must-have” qualities like intelligence, honesty, sense of humor, stability, communication skills and character.
But does education matter? What if someone is illiterate, but has all these qualities? When I posted this debate on my Facebook wall, I received all sorts of responses. My Facebook friend, Womakuyu responded with irritation that can be equated to how leprosy was regarded in biblical times.
“An illiterate woman in my house? Never!” he swore, “ I want a partner, not a servant, one who will understand my train of thought.”
Another Facebook friend, Jacob Oboth, who is already married, shuddered at the thought of an illiterate wife.
“How do you discuss the English premier league football with her?” Oboth asked. “She will not spice up your day with an informed discussion, jokes, poetry or movie reviews.”
New Vision Ekanya cartoonist, Tess Rushedge creased her forehead with visible disgust.
“What are you talking about? Marrying an illiterate spouse means seeing life through very different lenses,” Rushedge says. “I dare not even think about it. How do you have quality discussions about politics, business and life?
“This would be bringing together two different worlds. The jigsaw would not fit. I have heard stories of an illiterate villager who washed his face with the water in the toilet bowel thinking it was a basin!”
What matters?
Pastor Elijah Sebuchu is of another view when it comes to finding a partner for marrige.
“Education is vital, but there are other factors that affect the choice of partner. They include cultural norms, expectations of male and female roles in the union, the religious background and the socio-economic status.”
“Besides illiteracy, one ought to consider their core values that they are not willing to bend or change,” Sebuchu tells his flock. “ What counts is maturity and responsibility; does he/she maintain a clean house, pay bills and handle finances?
Little details like whether someone has the ability to take care of themselves and follows through on promises, shows up on time, does not let people down, respects the other’s boundaries and values one’s feelings and time matter a lot.”
“Although men and women, at times seek similar values in a partner, each gender focuses on different qualities,” adds Sebuchu. “Men typically want a relationship that allows autonomy, while women look for a sense of connection. I always advise those searching for the right partner to think about the traits and education standards.”
But going by those who feature on the popular Abanoonya programme on Bukedde TV, many lonely hearts in Uganda want moneyed spouses who can buy them a car, build a house and fend for the family, regardless of their academic status. You do find people who argue that before education was introduced our ancestors had successful marriages.
“Literacy does not make you a better person,” says Ronnie Ikara, a journalist with Etop newspaper. “I have seen graduates who use dirty jargon, mistreat or kill their spouses or walk out on them.”
He argues that, marrying an illiterate partner can have its advantages which vary from one person to another.
“One party has to be more mentally or emotionally calm,” sums up Ikara. “If both are randy, they risk regular explosions, tantrums and physical battles.
You do not need a degree to succeed in life. Look at our own, late James Mulwana, Gordon Wavamuno and Hajji Nasser Sebagala, to name but a few.”
Some people are such natural charmers whom brainy folks find hard to resist.
Expert Opinion
Love knows no boundaries. When picking a spouse there are numerous attractions. It may be wealth, beauty, a famous name or infatuation.
You can find a doctor falling in love with an illiterate person from deep in the village. But the better of the party should take the trouble to shape up their spouse. You can add value to him or her by encouraging them to go for adult education.
If they are not polished up, you may risk being embarrassed at a party, family get together or outing when your spouse can not measure up to your class. It may be the inability to speak English, ignorance of etiquette or poor dressing.
Counsellor Joseph Musaalo