Who wants a broke guy?

By Agnes Kyotalengerire

PATIENCE Mikiisa, a marketing executive with a reputable firm around town, has never forgiven herself for dating a broke man. 

For three years, Patience stayed with Robert, hoping that with love, encouragement and financial support, she would uplift him financially. But that did not happen. 

“Love overshadowed my financial concerns. But the more I stayed, the more dependent he became. I had to foot all his bills. It became impossible for me to love him,” says Patience. 

She adds that his dependency on her began to eat into her respect for him. 

“I could not take it anymore. I became resentful and overwhelmed by the relationship,” she notes.

Ladies footing bills

Mikiisa’s story echoes that of many corporate women, who are financially independent, but find themselves trapped in relationships with men who have nothing to offer, apart from dreams. Often, a story like Doreen Baine’s comes up, making many women question whether they are unfair to judge men who do not have money.

For Baine, a human resources manager, she took a big risk, which turned into a blessing. She says her husband, Paul Ruuti, had nothing when they met.

“At first, I was disturbed. We could not even pay our bills. But a few months down the road, I discovered that behind the financially struggling man was a hardworking and loving man,” she says.

Baine supported Ruuti until he got onto his feet. Today, she has every reason to smile.

“Ruuti turned out to be productive. When he got a job, he paid for my masters’ degree. Currently, he is the sole provider in the home,” she explains.

To pay or not ?

So, should a financially-stable woman stick to a man who is not doing well or get one who can take care of her and their family?

Surprisingly, the 21st Century man seems to see nothing wrong with a woman pulling out her purse to foot bills. Gone are the days when men perceived that as shameful or a sign of weakness on their part.

But 30-year-old Rita Akello, a journalist, says relationships where a woman is the sole bread winner do not last.

“Some men think good sex is all a financially-stable woman wants, but they should know that no woman enjoys supporting a man all her life. A man has to provide for the woman he loves and also take care of his finances,” says Akello.

Agatha Twiine’s marriage was blissful, until her husband lost his job. “I thought with a little help, he would soon get another job and regain his financial stability. But I ended up supporting him forever.

He expected me to put food on the table, look after the children and cuddle him in bed,” she explains.

Eventually, Twiine became overwhelmed by the financial burden and could not cushion him any longer.

“I was as good as living alone, footing all the bills from rent to school fees. Eventually, I packed my bags and left,” she says.

Joselyne Abwooli, the proprietor of Real Estates Agency, says many times people think women are materialistic, but every woman wants a man who can provide for her. It creates a sense of security for her.

But, Sandra Bintu, 27, an IT manager in Kampala, says: “You cannot be sure the man will not forget you. You may finance someone, who may not want anything to do with you once he hits the top.”

A jobless man can give wise counsel, help out with house chores

Joseph Musaalo, a counsellor at Uganda Christian University Mukono, says relationships where a woman has an upper hand financially can be a success. But trouble starts when the man turns the woman into a cash-minting machine, he adds.

Musaalo advises women in such relationships to be patient and understanding.

“Having no money at some point does not mean the man will remain broke for the rest of his life,” he says.

Musaalo adds that it is good to have big dreams and there would not be a problem supporting a man financially, provided he puts in effort to find a job or puts the money given to him, to good use.

“Over time, the woman can study the man’s character; the way he conducts himself when he gets the money and she will be able to tell whether he is committed or not.

‘‘Does he always try to foot bills or buy something whenever he gets money? Or he is the type who comes back home drunk at the slightest opportunity money slips into his hands?’’ he asks.

Musaalo says if he is responsible, he will declare all the money he gets and consult on how to use it. He adds that a man who does not have a job can still be productive.

‘‘He can give wise counsel and help out with house chores like ironing and babysitting,’’ Musaalo advises.

Pauline Musisi, a marriage counsellor, says financial support should be two-way traffic, but when it becomes one-way, the element of exploitation crops in.