My child can't get off my smartphone

 

Liz Ndaba is only 19, but there are times she feels like she is really old. Her two-year-old nephew knows how to switch on the tablet and tap the screen. He even knows a few applications (apps)! He will press to watch his favourite cartoon, Tinga.

 

“The boy knows too much, he makes me feel so old,” says Ndaba. “He doesn’t know how to read and write yet. How much more will he know by the time he gets to P1?”

 

There is no doubt that the digital age is upon us. We have iPads, iPhones, tablets and flat screens.  And our children are as smitten as we are. A child sees a tablet and they will drop everything they are doing and scream for it, until you give it to them. What does all this mean to raising your children?

In the face of this non-stop barrage of tech-induced stimulation, the effects on children are complicated, with both benefits and costs. 

 

Dr. Angeline Kakooza, a paediatric neurologist at Mulago Hospital, explains that the brain is a delicate component and continues to develop its “wiring diagram” even when someone is in their 20s.  She explains that the high-level cognitive skills such as judgment or taking control of one’s emotions normally develop stage by stage. 

 

While she says her department is yet to carry out research on the implications of Ugandan children interacting with these technologies, she states that the brain can be “highly adaptable to and influenced by external environment. For instance, in traumatic situations, a child is really affected. So external factors dictate a child’s state of brain,” says Kakooza. 

 

So, the brain overloaded with these instant technology apps and video games, impacts greatly on the still-developing child. 

 

“With the iPad, they might think that everything should be instant, and simultaneous. So as they grow older, their tolerance for page-loading decreases,” observes Dr. David Basangwa, a senior consultant psychiatrist at Butabika Mental Hospital.

 

He stresses that patience is a virtue, and in the new world of digital technology, it gets lost, since such a child’s mind is wired to think that things should be instant.

And yet, increasing international research shows that the tablet is making children develop a multitasking kind of brain. It is said that tech savvy children are able to juggle so many things; from homework, to Facebook chats, to downloading music, to surfing the internet, to watching videos at the same time. 

 

But experts warn that while multitasking saves time, it is clear that dividing the brain’s attention for a young child has costs, both in performance and time.

 

“That is simple logic. In real life, if you try to do so many things at a go, you might break down yet you might not succeed at any of them,” says Basangwa. “As an older person, you might know you need to strike a balance, but what about the child? If things do not work out at the same pace, it stresses the child.”  

 

Another area of concern is the level of interaction between today’s children who are so engrossed in the computer. For starters, everyone who is on social media like Facebook will agree that the social media has, in a way, affected the level of face to face interaction with friends.  

 

“It is the same way for the child. You need to play with other children to master skills of how to interact with them, form impressions of them, and judge when they are annoyed with you. But if all the child knows from childhood is tweet, click or tap on the screen, they become socially handicapped. They might want to slap everyone in their way,” says Basangwa. 

 

The capacity to reflect, reason and draw conclusions based on our experiences, knowledge and insight comes from face-to-face interactions. It is what makes us human and has enabled us to communicate and become civilised. 

 

Brain development in children involves what children do; observing, learning, remembering, questioning and judging, to innovating, arguing, deciding and acting.

 

The trick is where to draw the line. Kakooza says too much screen time whether TV or computer — without other activities, such as reading, playing and running around, will result in your children having their brains wired in ways that may make them less, not more, prepared to thrive in this crazy new world of technology. 

 

Dr. Basangwa agrees: “Let’s take responsibility as parents and be honest with ourselves. A screen cannot raise your child.”

 

 

Mama Tendo

 

Dear Mama Tendo,

I am a mother of three and have a big problem communicating with my children. The best I can do is ask questions which they answer.

 

My biggest worry is my 10-year-old. I am not close to her yet I need to begin talking to her about sex, career and many other things about life. How can I gain her trust, make her my friend and confidant. Please advise on how I can get her to open up to me. 

 

The history of the relationship matters a lot. It is not clear why there was a break in the relationship between you and your children, but whatever it was, you can build these relationships and they blossom. But you have to be patient, do not expect dramatic changes. 

 

Allow natural healing to fill the gap so that bonding can take place. Some practical tips include treasuring their birthday and using it as an opportunity to verbally appreciate them. Write them a note saying what you feel about them and what you appreciate most about them. Practice touch on a daily basis, whether on the forehead or a hug, or hold their hand. 

 

Take them out for a meal and just let them say what is on their mind. Be present to attend their school sports activities and class days. 

 

Get close to them and show genuine interest, allowing them to speak without interruption. 

Eventually, they will grow close to you.   

 

Send your parenting questions to mamatendo@yahoo.com