Should you disclose your salary to her?
Apr 28, 2013
David Musisi, 46, is the LC1 chairman of Najjanakumbi, Namuli Zone, where he lives and operates his businesses. Musisi, who is married with four children, says much as there is trust and affection between him and his wife, he cannot disclose his income to her.
By Norah Mutesi
David Musisi, 46, is the LC1 chairman of Najjanakumbi, Namuli Zone, where he lives and operates his businesses. Musisi, who is married with four children, says much as there is trust and affection between him and his wife, he cannot disclose his income to her. He only tells her he earns half of the actual amount.
He says for a man to disclose his salary to his wife is like telling the vulture where the meat is, noting that women are extravagant and wasteful.
“When you disclose everything, they think there is a lot of money to spend,’’ Musisi says, adding that his wife spends sparingly because she knows he does not have a lot of money.
He adds that when they had just gotten married, the wife demanded to know how much he earned per month, but Musisi refused to disclose.
However, when she insisted, he opened another account and only declared half of the pay. Half of his pay is always deposited into the second account, which is unknown to his wife.
Carol Lubega, Musisi’s wife, says very few men tell their wives how much they earn.
She adds that she insisted on knowing her husband’s salary because she wanted them to plan together as a couple.
Lubega says some men spend their money in bars and on women, but if the wife knew how much her husband earned, she could advise him to save for the children.
She says although men claim that women’s demands are endless, a woman would not misuse money if they have children.
David Byaruhanga, a bodaboda cyclist and resident of Namuwongo, agrees with Musisi.
Byaruhanga, who has been married for 14 years and has six children, says whatever he earns is his. He adds that it is not his wife’s business to know how much he makes, as along as he meets all her needs.
Byaruhanga says women do not usually plan for the future, adding that once they realise that you have money, they may give you a list of problems, even those that do not exist.
“If you asked her to keep money for you, chances are high that she will use it. She will even tell you she took her mother to hospital when you are well aware that her mother is not sick,’’ Byaruhanga says.
However, David Onyango, a resident of Mutungo, disagrees with Musisi and Byaruhanga. Onyango, who has been married for two years and has one child, says there is no reason why his wife should not know how much he earns.
Onyango says in case he died, his wife would know how much he left and where to find it to use it to help his family.
Counseller's advice
Beatrice Langarit, a marriage counsellor at Focus Uganda, a counselling firm at Old Mulago, says whether to disclose one’s salary to the spouse or not depends on how someone was brought up.
“For example, if a man is brought up being told by his father to keep his income a secret from his wife for whatever reasons, then such a man will find it difficult to go against the advice,’’ Langarit says.
She adds that some men do not disclose their salaries because they are insecure and want to control their wives. “Others fear that if they tell their wives how much they earn, they will make long lists of demands, for even things that are not necessary.”
Langarit says other men do not disclose their salary because they feel they are the providers and see no reason why the wives should know how much they earn.
She also notes that some people find it stressful to keep on disclosing whatever they earn to their wives, adding that along the way, they decide to keep the information to themselves, as long as they can meet the essential needs of their wives.
Jamesa Wagwau, a professional counsellor, says disclosing or not disclosing someone’s income depends on how much one trusts their spouse. “If your spouse cannot trust you to tell you how much they earn, then know there is a bigger problem.”
He also says spouses might not disclose their financial statements to each other because they have different priorities.
“If all one thinks about is having a fancy car before the school fees is paid, then their spouse will find it hard to disclose to them how much they earn,” Wagwau says.
He comments that some spouses operate secret accounts because they see no future in the relationship, even when the couple has children.
Wagwau says: “If your spouse insists that you should not know how much he earns, then sit him down and find out why.’’
He also advises couples intending to get married to set guiding principles on how to manage their finances. “Make it a principle for each of you to know the other’s financial statement,’’ advises Wagwau.
Langarit also adds that a wife can set an example for her husband by disclosing her salary first and in the end, the husband will also become comfortable disclosing his.
She advises wives to be patient and talk to their husbands about the importance of sharing information about your salary.
Langarit encourages couples to be open and transparent with each other, so as to have a happy marriage.