Nehemiah Matembe on husbanding a prominent wife

• He spoke about his wife, miria, during an annual dinner at Serena Hotel, organised by business day magazine to celebrate women achievers, particularly on how to cope with a high-profile spouse.
  

By Titus Kakembo

“Angels Are On Guard,” are the words displayed on the gate leading into the Matembes’ residence in Luzira, an upscale suburb of Kampala.

To get in, I had to go through the head of the family, Nehemiah Matembe. “Can’t the angels on guard open the gate?”

I cheekily asked to break the ice. His face split into a hesitant smile. The eyes behind thick spectacles rolled as he searched, in his mind, for a witty response.
  
“Our angels are busy watching out for trespassers and law breakers!” he responded. 

At that moment my mind was jammed with questions. How did you meet Miria? Does she kneel when greeting you? Does she prepare food the way a conventional African mama does? Who wears the trousers in this home?

Oblivious to my curiosity, Matembe Original, as he calls himself, ushered me into a home alive with nature.

The cool breeze from Lake Victoria and the butterflies in flight were any romantic person’s dream, as the leaves rustled in the wind blowing from the lake. After some small talk, Matembe Original was joined by his wife, Miria.
 
I was treated to a guided tour of a home filled with memories. There are lots of photographs on the walls of the living room. With my journalistic instinct, I fished out my Canon camera to capture every one of them. 

When I switched it on, and its parts clicked into place, a suspicious Miria furrowed her brow with distaste.

That husky voice common on FM stations and television sound bites asked, irritated: “Don’t you know I am very uneasy taking photographs with my upper arms exposed?”  

As she dashed off to dress “appropriately” for the camera, I stole another glance at the interior décor.
 
The walls no longer have room for new academic achievements, trophies or photographs.

A request for an interview to demystify Nehemiah Matembe is postponed, till the women’s banquet organised by Business Day at Serena Hotel. It is just a couple of hours away.

The function

At 6:00pm that evening, Nehemiah, clad in a black suit, bow tie and a white shirt emerges from a car. Like the true gentleman he is, he slides out with practiced ease and holds the door open for Miria, who steps out elegantly, dressed in a flowing purple evening gown.
 
Bathed in the lazy light of the dinner hall, Miria attracts a lot of attention. But today, Matembe Original is the star attraction, as he basks in the limelight, hugging and chatting with ministers Amelia Kyambadde, Rukia  Nakadama, Ruth Nankabirwa, Justice Julia Sebutinde and former Uganda Investment Authority boss Dr. Maggie Kigozi.
 
To give his speech, he was accompanied by his son and daughter-in-law. Then the story of how he has coped with a larger than life wife, unfolded.                           
                                                        
“For a start I would like to thank President Museveni for putting women in the right place,” said Matembe.

“At one time I had to go with the children to garner votes for her – those individual merit days, because the electorate doubted my Miria’s marital and family status,” he said.

“As if that was not enough, after winning elections and being appointed a minister, I drove her to her new ministerial office before a chauffeur was assigned to her.

“I also remember the time President Museveni put me on display at Lugogo show-ground as ‘the husband to Miria Matembe’,” he recounts.

“I know at this point, you are wondering how we met, how I manage to live in the shadow of a popular wife.”

He paused to let the point sink in then continued to say: “I declare, that I am the Matembe Original,” to the amusement of his audience, adding, “And she is my duplicate. But most of all - we are complementary units of one whole package.

Each of us needs the other, if we are to function well.”    
                                                
Speaking about how he managed a relationship with a brainy, vocal and popular spouse, Matembe first stole a glance at her, before saying:

“She is a globetrotter. But I trust Miria and I do not suspect her of cheating whenever she is out for those numerous workshops across the world.

“I have learned that to survive in today’s world, husbands of such corporate, liberated need to have confidence and accord their spouses some independence, if they are to excel. If anything, a husband ought to help his wife fly higher.”  
                                    
In the audience was John Sebutinde, the husband of ICC Judge Julia Sebutinde, who took the lead in applauding.

How they met

“Miria and I met during a kwanjula (traditional wedding) party. I stepped up and requested her to dance with me.
 
“That day I was wearing one of those chiffon floral shirts punctuated with the flower symbol on playing cards and bell-bottom trousers. She accepted my invitation to dance and told me that by coincidence, a cousin of mine had expressed his admiration for her first. When I learned of this potential competition, that is when, I clung onto the crest of the love wave.”

 Talking about the qualities that struck him, Matembe confesses to having found her boldness, transparency and appearance irresistible.

“She was slender. I fell for her legs. In short, I wanted her forever from that moment,” recounts Matembe.
 
“Our union conjured a mental picture of  me being the biblical Adam and she my Eve. I still remember that shy smile, while she was still a student residing in Mary Stuart (hall at Makerere University). It camouflaged the tough crusader she is today.”
                                                                            
Soon she shocked him when she began introducing him to her friends as her “boyfriend” who has just returned from the UK.              
                                                   
“Today nothing has changed in her character from the Miria that I met more than 40 years ago. She is still very courageous, bold and calls a spade a spade. She is also a generous person. I remember in the 1970s, when cigarettes were scarce, she always bought me some from the Guild Canteen.” 

The couple has four sons, some of whom are married and living abroad.

Nehemiah says he and his wife share household chores and their relationship, like wine, only gets sweeter as they grow older. “For example, we make the bed together. In the process you never know what follows.”                                                
 
Marital advice

“In a relationship, there is a need to break monotony. That is why there are times I wait for Miria to come back from a busy day and I say, ‘kulikayo’ (welcome back home) Miria. Traditionally, this is supposed to be done by women, but I have no problem doing it.”                

Miria's story

Asked how she juggles politics, family and activism, Miria says,“When I do something, I do it passionately. I have never indulged in anything half-heartedly.

So when I am in church, I worship my creator with passion. And when its the women’s emancipation cause, I am there, with all my heart. I keep my word that is why I fall out with people who have no integrity. I find it hard to live against my conscience.”

She says all her life she has seen orphans, poverty and other forms of suffering as a result of political and social injustice. “I am determined to make the world a better place for our children,” says Miria.

“I cannot afford to fall back on my word because I feel like I am betraying humanity. I have to live my life firmly on certain terms.”

She says her husband has been very supportive and accommodating and she does not regret the choices she has made.

“Our home is a typical African one. The doors are always open,” confided Miria. “It is not limited to biological children. You do not need an invitation card to come for dinner or lunch. That is what makes me what I am politically and socially.”

“Every photograph you see in the living room is a chapter in our lives. There are relatives who lived a short life because of political intrigue or social injustice. This is what I want to change. The girl child of tomorrow is an achiever, not dependent on men as it were. The way I see it, in a family unit, either sex has a role to play.”