'He stole my wife and dumped her two months later'

Apr 14, 2013

Reuben Mwebesa, the proprietor of Votesa Driving School in Nakulabye, Kampala, is not a happy man. His wife of four years, Peace Kiconco, has been stolen from him.

By Gloria Musiime

Reuben Mwebesa, the proprietor of Votesa Driving School in Nakulabye, Kampala, is not a happy man. His wife of four years, Peace Kiconco, has been stolen from him.

The resident of Nansana (pictured down right), a suburb in Wakiso district, now has to contend with raising his two children single-handedly. The 43-year-old told of the incidents that led to the departure of his wife.

The meeting

We met in 2005 in Kampala. At that time, Kiconco was in Senior Four and living with her relatives in Kampala. When we discovered we were tribe-mates, we fell for each other. I was already employed, so I had money to sustain a relationship.

However, she was still a student. We agreed to discuss marriage after her A’level. At that time, Kiconco was 25 years.

Due to some circumstances, she did not complete A’level. That was a blessing in disguise for me because it meant I could begin discussing marriage with her.

Kiconco moves in

In 2006, she moved into my house. We got our first born in 2007. After some time, we were blessed with another child.

We walked down the aisle on December 1, 2009 at Najjanankumbi Adventist Church. Our marriage was peaceful, until June last year. We are Adventists, but she started praying at a Born-again church, Reconciling Gospel Ministries in Mengo.

However, I only got to know about her change of faith when she needed permission to attend overnight prayers at the church.

Signs of problems

I was concerned because she had changed her faith without consulting me. My concerns were compounded by the fact that she was always talking about her new pastor, Amos Betungura.

“This pastor is good. Sometimes he reveals to you the challenges you are facing before you even mention them to him,” she often told me.

In January this year, Kiconco told me Betungura had chosen her and other women, to attend a residential seminar organised by the church. She also withdrew sh1m from our account, saying it was for tithe.

Later, I heard rumours that Betungura had introduced my wife to his congregation as the woman he intended to marry. As a result, I reported the matter to Old Kampala Police Station. Nevertheless, she left home. My children often ask me for their mother.

Betungura arrested

During his arrest in January, Betungura maintained his innocence before the Police, saying Kiconco did not tell him she was married.

When we sought his comments on the latest developments in his relationship with Kiconco, we found the church had shifted. Instead, a school, Grace Talk Primary School, had been erected on the site.

Expert speaks out

Counsellor Joseph Musaalo of Uganda Christian University, Mukono, says there could be more reasons why Kiconco left her marital home. A spouse has intimate, emotional, social and spiritual needs, all of which should be met. If they are not, she may attempt to seek them elsewhere.

“Mwebesa needs to reconcile with his wife. Every family has challenges and if Kiconco is repentant, she should be allowed back to raise her children. People always learn from their mistakes.”

Kiconco's new love collapses

The Police arrested Kiconco and Betungura in January. At the Police station, the 32-year-old expressed her undying love for the pastor. She said she had chosen to start a new relationship with the pastor because she did not have feelings for Mwebesa anymore.

Kiconco astounded officers when she said she only married Mwebesa to acquire a marriage certificate. Betungura and Kiconco moved in together.


Peace Kiconco at the Police Station. When Pastor Amos Betungura was arrested, he maintained that Kiconco did not tell him that she was married.

However, hardly two months after her acrimonious split with Mwebesa, Kiconco and the pastor developed misunderstandings. Betungura allegedly sold Kiconco’s car, a Toyota Harrier, and bought a Landcruiser.

According to Kiconco, Betungura said he had received a prophecy that she would get a fatal accident in the Harrier. However, she said she was shocked when he refused to give her the new car and instead offered her his old car, a Toyota Nadia.

Betungura was held at Katwe Police Station for about a week, until he agreed to refund sh18m, which he got from the sale of the car.

After securing Police bond, Betungura returned to his home in Bunamwaya, a Kampala suburb.

But Kiconco refused to let him in. She feared that he would harm her at night since she was responsible for his incarceration.

“The following day when he returned, he picked a few of his belongings and disappeared. He also told the landlord to take over the house,” she said.

Mwebesa says Kiconco now stealthily goes to his home when he is away to check on the children.

Professional counsellor Jamesa Wagwau's view

A wedding is often viewed as ‘a seal’ to a relationship, but is it a guarantee anymore? Fulfilling as a wedding is, it should not be allowed to eclipse the marriage.

While a wedding is an event, marriage is a relationship that begins before the wedding day and continues thereafter. Sometimes couples are blinded into investing more time, preparing for the wedding, than for the marriage!

After the honeymoon, the reality of sharing a bed with a stranger sets in. It is difficult for an outsider to know what happened or what might have caused Reuben Mwebesa’s marital conflict.

What is clear is that whatever happened was not a day’s event. Norman Wright, in his book Marriage Counselling, stresses that separation or divorce does not occur overnight.

Couples often drift apart gradually, until they reach a point of no return. What happened to this couple can happen to anyone. Keeping the flame in marriage is a daily investment and there are no shortcuts!

It might be tempting to point an accusing finger at Peace Kiconco before hearing her side of the story. However, we need to understand that Kiconco is a human being first, then a wife.

An extra-marital affair does not drop from space. Marital conflict is often a symptom of something deeper, like lack of love, unwillingness to forgive, anger, bitterness or faulty communication. Apportioning blame or pointing accusing fingers would not help this couple at this stage.

There might be more to this problem than what Mwebasa has shared. Were Kiconco’s emotional needs being met in the marriage? In spite of the elopement, Kiconco is still legally married to Mwebasa.

She may reconcile with him, but reconciliation without understanding what caused the problem is not a solution. There is a need for this couple to see a marriage counsellor before the relationship can be restored.

As part of the reconciliation, both need to take an HIV test before intimacy is restored, evaluate their relationship and learn new communication strategies.

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