We all know that one person who has got a checklist. It is either stashed away in a paisley-covered journal they keep in their underwear drawer, or humbly engraved on a few dedicated kilobytes of their brain.
By Maclynn Kemigisha and George Wabweyo
We all know that one person who has got a checklist. It is either stashed away in a paisley-covered journal they keep in their underwear drawer, or humbly engraved on a few dedicated kilobytes of their brain. On it are the qualities he or she is looking for in their future partner. Maybe you are that person. And if you are, well, your list is a load of total bull****!
The reason I call it that is 90% of what is on the list should go without saying. It is basic good-human-being stuff , like humour, mental ability, benevolence and uprightness. At times it is good-partner stuff , like having a steady head on one’s shoulders and a direction in life, plus that e ect of making you want to go to bed with them.
You do not need to document those, do you? Because ordinarily, one should never pursue a relationship with anyone who does not possess them, let alone marry them. So the last thing you should need to do is consult a chit to remind yourself, they go without saying.
Apart from the first quality, the rest on the list are just fillers. Yes. It is! It has things you think you want, things you think you
need, but the truth is that if you have a person who has that first 90% solidly covered, then the rest is unnecessary and barely relevant. Relationships are imperfect because people are; you know damn well that you are, so why are you entitled to demand perfection of another?
You people, if you insist on specificity, the only thing you are setting yourself up for is failure. The notion of common ground and shared goals and pleasures is simple and universal enough that you do not need to torture yourself (or your dates/non-dates/boyfriends) with details.
You are a writer, do you really need a guy who is a writer too, or do you just need someone who loves reading what your wacky mind crafts? Just because you come from an a uent background does not mean you require a multi-lingual who studied from outside countries. All you need is someone who thinks you are fascinating.
If you get yourself stalled down by lists, you will cut yourself o from some really worthy people, for no reason other than your own ego. Do not get hung up on the shiny badge of what he has as opposed to who he is as a person. Beware of ‘the list’. Everybody needs standards for their partner, but be careful not to unintentionally sabotage yourself. Your brain is a resource of limited use. At the end of the day, only your heart can tell you what you need.
Getting into a relationship is like skydiving. You have got to have all the equipment and gear you need for a fun experience and a safe landing, otherwise, you will be saying hello to rock-bottom. That is why a checklist is important.
Is the parachute safe? Check your ripcord, check your straps, check whatever and blah blah blah (I have never sky-dived before, I am Ugandan). Does your checklist have more ticks than a spoilt ballot paper? If yes, well, let us sky-dive! You have got to know what you want in a relationship, what attributes you desire in someone. If you cannot navigate around that person when he lacks them, you are basically setting yourself up for a future shipwreck!
Having a checklist does not mean that you are seeking out perfection or you are trying to be puritan, it just means you care enough about yourself to spare a few minutes to get your life in order. Whether you admit it or not, we all have to run our lives like businesses from the birth to the death certificate.
Documentation helps you to keep focus and play within the parameters. People think there is a universal checklist that you can just cut and paste from a friend. Well, extra-extra, read all about it, the checklist is too diverse. I know of ladies who put attributes and characters, which would be considered negative as part of their checklist. For example, how many times have you heard a girl actually say that she wants a bad boy? Several times, right?
A checklist is a foundation that is not cast in stone. It is needed so you can help build your life with the perfect person but it is also flexible enough to make concessions because, let us admit it, love is really all about compromises and lots of meet-me-halfway. Love can be customised. Yes, you can make love work for you the way you want it to and so when you get down to writing a checklist, you need to do it for yourself and not anyone else.
That means that you first put down what you desire most in a girl or a man. The list is yours, so it does not cut you off from anyone; it just weeds out the undesirables. At the end of the day, the biggest check on that list is the heart. If the heart gives the green light, you can trample on the rest.
Life is full of reality checks. If you want to cash in on one, become as idealist as the lady I am arguing against, forget about what you want and go for everything. Call me to pick you up at the hospital or at the divorce courts when that works superbly for you!
Checklist! Booty, tick. Legs, tick.