Family time should not be a luxury

 

Three out of five parents Sunday Vision talked to confessed they do not even remember the last time they had time to teach their children how to brush their teeth, tie their shoelaces or sit to share a meal.

 

“I would love to, I really do,” says Mary Ninsiima, a mother of two little boys — Nick, 6 and Mark, 4. “Most of the time, I am too tired and worn out that by the time I get home, all I am thinking of is sleep.”

 

Ninsiima wakes up at 5:00am to prepare for work. Her sons shower themselves never mind that they do not even know how to clean themselves properly. At 5:30am, they are picked up by the school shuttle. She and her husband drive off from Entebbe to the city centre where they work till about 9:00pm. 

 

Jeffrey Mutebi assumes that the children will learn about things as they grow. “This is a new era. We were lucky to grow up in the village, I do not blame my child for being born in a sophisticated state,” Mutebi says.

 

In fact, Mutebi’s five-year-old daughter thinks milk is from the pack in the fridge. “I would love to take her to her grandparents, show her a cow being milked, but I do not have time. When I am on leave, I have to catch up with friends.”

 

And while we thought only career parents miss out on family time, one housewife confesses that she does not share a meal with her teenagers. For this mother, who preferred not to be named, washing and cleaning takes priority over things such as teaching her children how to groom themselves or set the table. 

 

“When the food is ready, it is self-service. Thereafter, they are on their own. When I am through with chores, I want time alone to take a nap. The day ends when we are all asleep.”

 

And yet, while we say we are too busy or too tired for our families, spending too much time at work is the biggest regret parents have about their children’s early years, according to a British study done last December. The study polled 2,000 parents, by one parenting expert, Lauren Revell.

 

It found more than three quarters of parents have at least one thing they regret doing or not doing during this period. From not taking enough photos, working too hard to not seeing them off to bed at bed time, are some of the things parents ‘truly’ regret from their child’s early years.

 

Parenting experts agree that family time must be availed at all costs, because it largely shapes what children become later on.

 

“I am sorry for those who feel bad about it, but you need to be there for your children at a younger age, when they want to play with you. But how long is one a baby? Soon your little boy will not want your company anymore,” says Rosemary Bwiire, a psychologist at Uganda Christian University. 

 

Bwiire adds that as parents, we have a few special years with our children, when they want us around. 

“The moment they get to puberty, you are going to be running after them for attention in vain. Time moves so fast.”

 

When our children are young, it is easy to imagine that your baby will be your baby forever. But as they grow older, you will realise and wish you had done some things differently.  

 

“A child who never sees their parents or guardians becomes irritable. They begin when they are young, but soon, it grows. They want to punish everyone around them with their bad temper and loneliness even as they grow older,” says Rev. Peter Matovu, the director of Munnange Counselling and Guidance Centre at Nkumba University.

 

Matovu also says this is likely to lead to broken homes and marriages later on. They will not care about anything or how they treat someone, because that is just how they were brought up. 

 

“And the cycle continues if they have children. The self-esteem is broken, and they also hurt your grandchildren,” Matovu says.

Understandably, we live in a society where life has become busy. Parents may no longer have the support of grandparents or aunts to help them out like it used to be. 

 

As a result, your family can be overlooked. So fit into the family time.

 

Have family meals. Make it a point to have a family meal, preferably supper. Some people tend to overstay at office even after work is done. 

 

Utilise office time to the maximum. A lot of time is wasted on Facebook and chats, when we could work and be home in good time. 

 

Weekends: You can hang out with friends on a Friday evening, but Saturday and Sunday should be reserved for your family. Do something like cleaning the house or gardening together with the children. 

 

Make it a point to travel to the countryside at least once a year to meet the other side of your family, or for a new experience. Your children need to know that life is more than just cartoons and video games.