Do we crucify Luzinda or Emuobor?
Nov 06, 2014
Imagine coming home from a science conference, smelling all the jargon and technology, only to be welcomed by, guess who!
DR. LOVE: Hilary Bainemigisha
Imagine coming home from a science conference, smelling all the jargon and technology, only to be welcomed by, guess who!
No, you are all wrong. It was Desire Luzinda. Not really actually; her pictures.
Which, in a way, is herself, if you know what I mean. I was properly set for such questions as: “How near are we to the HIV vaccine?” when someone asked: “Would you wish to be in Desire Luzinda’s shoes?” I wondered, why would I want to be in a celeb girl’s shoes when there are better places on her?
It turns out the places afore-implied are now public fodder. Thanks to a man called Franklin Emuobor Ebenhron, most phones and social media have forgotten Queen Kalanguka and Amama; they are now drowned in Desire’s private company limited.
This Nigerian with a Ugandan passport (both the booklet and the access to our resources) recently fell for Desire so madly that he refused to believe the ubiquitous rumours about her Movement structures; Seya, Frank, John, Tony, Toniks, another John, Chris, another Frank, Ben and many more.
The Oga forgot their own proverb that no amount of rain can wash away a leopard’s spots.
For us in Kampala, Desire is desired. Emuobor deceived himself that he could expunge all FM stations from the radio set and leave Lagos FM only.
When the leopard went back to what makes her a leopard, he cut wires.
He could not even realise that real Ugandans, with genuine passports, billboards, media messages, death threats had failed to explain to Desire the meaning of ‘sexual network’.
In frustration, he unleashed their love secrets upon the innocent believers of chastity that we are in Uganda. We are just lucky that our poor Lokodo did not collapse!
Although he has lost his eloquence; he now stammers whenever he opens his mouth!
Of course, as peace-loving Ugandans, we have to blame someone, for that is our middle name.
So gather around with your stones for I am about to flag off a blame game of no ordinary kind.
But first, because you are many, I will begin with the Jesus condition: Let those who have never done it throw the first stone!
Taking nude pictures with a lover has not begun with Desire. Selfies are as common as there are lovers.
When you are in love, there is no energy to imagine that you can break up and that your Emuobor will be stupid enough to display his privates in the process of humiliating his partner.
Selfies are one of the romance practices that just happens. I think it is kind of arousing to watch yourself ascending to heaven.
So, I will treat Desire as a victim because she did all she did in her course of dispensing love.
Call her stupid if you want but that is because you are not in love.
Love and reason rarely flock together.
Now that those who have ever taken nude pictures have left, I imagine the balance comprises of the ‘single address’ people.
Before you throw your stones, allow me to announce that I have never seen such dense people like you who are accomplished liabilities to the love ecosystem.
Love is ever in search of innovative, creative and ready-to-learn participants and all you do is frown at romantic selfies!
Aren’t you the same people complaining that poachers are ‘finishing’ your partners when all you do with them is 1900 stuff?
Well, my friends, drop your stones and run before I do something worse than Emuobor did!
In romantic love, we seek out total exclusivity.
Even when we are sure our partner won’t get ‘finished’, we still want to be the sole key.
That is why, if you discover that your partner showed-ko someone else (without going on to do it), it would still be a treasonable offence!
Oga set off to humiliate Desire, but has now ended up embarrassing all her partners, right from Buganda Road Primary School to the childish traitor called Emuobor.
No wonder Google whistles when you search this name!
Now that I am the only standing stone thrower, my target is Emuobor.
Stupid man, this blunder will follow you.
Desire will get a new guy and still enjoy selfies but you, unless you date lower or less informed people, who will have selfies with a leaking basket like you?
Finally, if I have annoyed any of you, don’t say I made a mistake; that was my intention.
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