Being friends with your ex?

By George Wabweyo and  Maclynn Kemigisha

When you grow up, you get to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. There comes a time when there is trouble in paradise and you have to part ways. It could be because your partner is a gold-digger, cheat or just a plain loser and since you have your best interest at heart, you choose to march.

That person becomes a nonentity in your life and is exclusively called the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Ex means lapsed or former so I do not understand where people come up with the notion that they can be best friends for ever with their former lovers? What a silly load!

Now, when you eat a banana, you throw away the peel once you are done. You do not keep it around you for whatever insane reason unless you are a monkey and can consume it too. Cue; monkeys are also known to eat their own vomit. An ex-lover is supposed to be stored up in the attic or down in the basement of your life and that is called comfortably moving on.

If you are out there trying to purport your self-alleged maturity with that he-is-my-ex-but-we- are-now-just-friends talk, you are living a lie. You see the problem about the monkey and its vomit is that after it finishes throwing up, it stays around to inspect the end product and soon it will be convinced that the product really belongs in its tummy. Then it will eat it again. You cannot hang around your ex-boyfriend or ex- girlfriend and think that you will not backslide. Hell; saved people relapse and backslide.

Once you split up with someone, one of your goals in life automatically becomes to stay away from that person for eternity. That means that when the person sees you with your new catch; go for public display of affection so that the ex gets the feeling that you will always do quite well as long as he is at bay.

For all I care, if you are four paces away from meeting your ex on a walkway, just turn around and head in the direction away from him or her. Duck, hide, run, lay flat or teleport, just do not meet the bastard! You do not go out for a drink with your ex because it can lead to either of your beds or even worse, God forbid, an aisle.

If someone can become your ex, he or she is probably not worth tolling wedding bells. See marriage is for people who, despite their differences on the outside, still fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. You will be stuck in relationship limbo if you keep sticking around your ex. 

She says...

Can you be friends with an Ex? It’s an age old question that has a very simple answer; yes! A good (married) friend of mine often teases me about still being friends with most of my exes. Before you ask, there are only two! See? The rumour that I am a stray bird is false!

I absolutely believe in  being friends with your ex. If you date quality people, they are still quality when it is over. Here is why you should stay friends. He knows you, understands you and most importantly, he has already seen you when you are not
at your best.

There is often a comfort level and certain quiet fondness that is still there and may not exist yet with the new guy. So when I needed  someone to pick me up from my dentist’s appointment, I asked my Ex, not the guy I had just started dating who was still in that phase where he thought I was close to perfect. There was no reason whatsoever for him to know that I even have cavities in the initial stages of our relationship.

The Ex had already seen the less-than perfect side There are other arenas an ex is still useful, especially when it comes to  helping around with domestic chores like helping me flip my mattress. I cannot really do it by myself, yet the new guy should not be doing that either, as it may just scare him off . Being a woman requires you to be resourceful.

Old boyfriends are good resources, so one should always aim for a clean breakup. He may come in handy one day. I am not going to lie; being friends with the ex is not easy.

You may find yourself re-living all the hurt and pain of the breakup and no one wants to go through that nightmare twice; you may experience a level of jealousy you never thought existed within you; and the feelings that you have long since buried can abruptly be woken from the dead unleashing a whole Pandora’s Box worth of pain and problems. But do not let pride get in the way of an amazing friendship. Stop being bitter and hurt, it is stupid and pointless. Let it all go and move on, happily.

If you still have hurt feelings/resentment/anger and questions that are still unanswered, it may help to air it all out to your Ex before you become friends. I am hungry and I have not eaten pizza in weeks, let me call up the second Ex for a “bail-out”!