Is background check on a new partner necessary?

Oct 03, 2014

So you have found new love? You have begun dating, but you know very little about each other. Would you do a background check on him? Would you want to know what his other affairs were like?


By Cathy Bagaya

So you have found new love? You have begun dating, but you know very little about each other. Would you do a background check on him? Would you want to know what his other affairs were like? Or would you let it develop and get to earn each other’s trust along the way?
 
I would do a background check, although it has its advantages and disadvantages. I would want to know why two people who cared about each other broke up.
 
I know it seems absurd since it is a new relationship, but experience has taught me otherwise. Past experiences usually affect the present, especially when there is no evaluation of oneself.
 
Like I said before, breakups are normal, but it is what leads to them that interests me. And because of this, with any new guy that I am attracted to and hope to have a relationship with, I have learnt that a background check is necessary.
 
I want to know whether the guy is a beater, liar, cheat, drunk, drug user, lacks focus and so on. I want to know his good side, if he has one. I, too, would not mind if he did the same for me.
 
There was this guy that I had really liked, only to find out that he had dated someone close to me, and there was a possibility that lady still liked him and hoped to get back with him.
 
That was it for me.
 
I was the cause of my own failure in this particular love affair; maybe if I had not done a background check, I would not have missed my chance. I may have lost my crush, but at least I did not hurt the other person that I cared about.
 
Many of us go into a new relationship with eyes closed, hoping for a fresh start and not caring about where and what happened. I salute you for that.
 
My problem is when you get to learn months later that your lover lied to you about almost everything. You start to blame yourself and think you are a fool for allowing love to blind you. I know, it has happened to me.
 
However, the good news is I have decided that enough is enough, and a background check is in order.
 
If I can handle what I find, well and good. If not, then fishing elsewhere is not the worst of ideas. In the spirit of healthier and better relationships, I also evaluate myself just in case it was me who needed help.
 
Though I must add that sometimes, after a break up, some people evaluate themselves and make some changes.
 
I am saying if you are to do a background check, do not forget to be open-minded since relationships are never the same.
 

What are your thoughts?

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