My wife is too extravagant
Sep 07, 2012
“We have three housemaids yet we have a small family. According to her, the first maid looks after the children, the second does the house chores and the third tends to the compound,” says Eddie
By Juliet Kasirye
She cannot resist spending regardless of her family’s financial status and her habit is now weighing down her husband’s pocket.
“We have three housemaids yet we have a small family. According to her, the first maid looks after the children, the second does the house chores and the third tends to the compound,” says Eddie Musa (not real name). “But she now wants to recruit a fourth one!”
This comes shortly after Musa gave his wife sh800,000 for shopping for the family. All she bought were perfumes, two shirts and lingerie.
“I got so upset that day that we did not talk for a week. However, she still has not changed,” Musa laments.
He further reveals that his wife loves hanging out in expensive bars, which sell a bottle of beer at between sh8,000 and sh10,000. She often shops in first-class malls every weekend and hangs out with her friends at the beach.
Musa has tried his best to discuss with his wife about his financial situation so that she can change her ways in vain.
“What beats my understanding is the fact that I do not know what my wife uses her salary for as she usually asks me for money to spend on luxuries,” Musa wonders.
As if that is not enough, Musa says last year, he had to surrender his car to his wife because he could not afford to buy her a new one.
“I did it to avoid embarrassment because my wife had told me that she would ask her father to buy her a car if I could not afford one. I now use a taxi,” Musa says.
Before Musa got married, he was an accountant in one of the banks in Kampala and could afford to buy for his fiancé anything she wanted. However, when he lost his job, things changed. His current job does not pay as well as the last one.
“My wife comes from a wealthy family and she does not want to adjust to the low family income now. She is so extravagant that I cannot afford to maintain her class,” says Musa. “Although I love my wife deeply, I am planning on letting go of the marriage because I fear that the more I stay her, the more I will become penniless.”
Can a marriage work if you are of different social classes?
Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist at Uganda Christian University, Mukono, says a marriage can work even if the parties are from different social classes.
“If you married someone out of love, love goes beyond the borders of class, status, religion or tribe.”
Musaalo explains that before you commit to someone, it is important to analyse the reasons why you are with them such as love, sympathy, lust, personality and poverty.
Wilber Karugahe, a counselling psychologist at Kyambogo University, says sometimes the marriage may not last long because extravagant women have a compulsive shopping disorder. In most cases, such a person has an uncontrollable urge to buy items even when they are in a financial crisis or have run out of space in the house. Such women may even commit suicide if an attempt is made to stop them from shopping.
Is it possible for a woman to adjust?
Musaalo says it is possible for a spendthrift to change. If she comes from a rich background and innocently assumes that the way she spends is normal, communicate with her calmly and teach her how to spend depending on your income.
Musaalo further explains that one does not have to walk out of a marriage because his or her partner is extravagant. It is important to know your partner’s personality before you decide on anything. For example, people with sanguine personality want to be noticed, they spend money easily and do not mind about budgets. Such people are always generous and want to spend money without thinking.
Besides that, Musaalo adds that there are also people who have a melancholic personality. Such people follow a strict budget.
Is it a case of poor upbringing or extravagance?
Musaalo says extravagance is not a case of poor upbringing more so if a woman comes from a rich background. However, sometimes the way a person spends depends on her background and personality.
What should you do?
Karugahe advises that if your spouse is too extravagant, discuss the issue with her.
“Do not blame or insult her because you will worsen the situation. Don’t ask her why she always spends money on useless items; instead initiate a positive discussion by proposing a budget about how much you are supposed to spend depending on your income.
Tell her that it is not bad to be generous, but one should have a limit,” he says.
However, if you don’t yield any good results after the discussion, Musaalo advises that convince your wife to seek professional counselling.