Does a ring still matter?

Some married people are not wearing their rings and proudly declare that it is just fine 

BY CAROL NATUKUNDA

You are out at a party. A guy comes up to you and you connect. You glance down at his hands and there is no ring on his finger. In your mind, you automatically think he is single. Just as you are beginning to loosen up, someone comes up and mentions his wife — much to your shock.

Let’s call a spade a spade. Does a wedding ring mean anything anymore? Does the ring even hold the same amount of value as it did in our parents’ and grandparents’ generation? Some married people are not wearing their rings lately and they are proud to admit that it is just fine.

Evelyn, unknown to her, was dating a married man for several months. And the day she went to bed with him, thinking he would take the relationship to another level, he pulled out a ring.

She was excited, only for a while. He admitted he was married and gave the usual excuse: “Jewellery is for you chics, not guys.” Evelyn ran back to her crib and cried uncontrollably. 

Today, when she looks back, she says she has learnt better than to trust anyone she meets. “In fact, that guy had the ring in his pocket. He wears it at home, but takes it off on his way to town or work,” she says.

MEN SPEAK OUT
But some men insist they are doing it for a more harmless reason than adulterous intentions - an unwillingness to be publicly defined by their marital status. They want to be seen as “people” and not as the “married guy” or “the guy with a ring on his finger.”

“When you have the ring on, you become like an outcast,” says, Alex, a real estate director, who has been married for five years. “When I have my ring on, potential female clients do not seem to give much attention to me.

When I keep the ring in the drawer, they tend to ask me more questions on the properties on sale and keep calling for advice. 

I am looking at money from my real estate business, yet the ring makes me a stereotype. Even if a fellow man had a business deal for you, they would not call you past a certain hour because they probably think you are already home with your family.”

For the record, Alex says he has never been tempted to cheat just because his ring is not on his finger. “I think a ring would not change anything. It is about the person,” Alex argues.

Phil, a father of two, he had problems with his finger, which he said was growing “fatter” and was always itching. “Seven years ago, when we got married, I was a lean man. 

Now I have put on weight, so my ring does not fit. So, should I buy another which the priest did not bless? The important thing is that deep inside me, I love my wife and children,” he argues.

WHAT DO WOMEN SAY?
And while we are at it, what about the women who do not wear their rings? Like Evelyn’s A wedding ring is a sign to the world that you belong to someone former lover assumes, there is an assumption that a woman loves jewellery, but as it turns out, they too are trashing the ring into the dustbin. Interestingly, they argue that it is always not intended.

“Sometimes I have to use charcoal, wash poo out of my children’s clothes or mop the house and I do not want my gold ring to get spoilt. I want to save it for as long as I live. 

Sometimes you unconsciously forget to put it back on, just like you forget to put on earrings, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am married,” says Elizabeth Bigirwa, a lawyer and mother of three. She believes the ring holds a lot of importance.

“I grew up seeing the value and importance of marriage. If I wanted to know whether someone was married or not, I would glance at their left hand. If I did not see a ring, I would know there was no spouse. It is sad that some people are deliberately not wearing the ring in order to flirt,” Bigirwa says.

But her colleague, Hope, says she ditched the ring because she realised her husband was not wearing his. “If he is doing it to cheat, I don’t know. If he wears it, I will wear it, if he doesn’t, I won’t,” she says.

A SIGN OF CHEATING?
Isn’t the main reason people go ringless to flirt with bachelors or spinsters? Bigirwa doesn’t see it as a big deal. “Whether he has a ring or not, a man will still cheat on you. And the women these days do not care whether a man is married with children or not. Men hit on me all the time, even with a ring on my finger,” she says.

Phil says his wife used to complain about him taking off his ring, but these days, she does not seem to care. “She could be worried, but she does not show it.”

He believes people who deliberately throw the ring away have ill intentions. “It is understandable when you have an allergy or you just forget. But deciding not to wear it is like saying you wanted the ring for the ceremony and nothing else,” he argues.