Raising an only child

Jul 23, 2012

‘I could not have another child’ I visited a number of hospitals to find out why I could not have another child, but I just got more confused.

‘I could not have another child’ I visited a number of hospitals to find out why I could not have another child, but I just got more confused. 
 
Medical reports were clear that I did not have any complication, yet reality proved wrong. Not even prayers could change this. Till today, I am convinced that it is God’s will. When my daughter was five years old, she kept asking me why she did not have any siblings. 
 
This was a very difficult question as I kept looking for the best answer to give. Finally, I got to learn that if I told her that God would one day give her siblings she would stop asking.
 
Gladly, this bore positive results. However, amidst such a confusing and worrying situation, I learnt that hard work was my only obligation left. I strived to provide my daughter with everything that she needed. Every time I compared myself with parents who had a number of children, I realised that I was at advantage over them. 
 
This is because I did not experience the high cost of living that burdened them most. As much as I gave my daughter all the attention, I knew that if I left her act like a pampered child, I would be blamed as a mother. 
 
I occasionally corrected her when she went wrong. We always talked about life and I am proud to  say she is not spoilt.
 
African setting
In Africa, children are considered a blessing and complete the seal in marriage. This explains why couples strive to have as many children as they can. However, most couples these days prefer having fewer children given the cost of living.

What the doctor says
Daniel Murokora, a gynaecologist/ obstetrician at Mulago Hospital says usually the problem is around the fallopian tubes.
 
“In cases where the tubes have infections, the woman may not be in position to conceive again. The infection may block the tubes, he says.”
 
Advanced age may also affect certain hormones. When a woman starts giving birth in her 40s, the chances that she will conceive again are less.
 
What the counsellor says
Beatrice Langariti, a marriage and family counsellor, says these days people are more driven by their career and will look at children as a burden.
 
“With this kind of attitude, they end up with one child,” she explains.
 
There are some people, who, while growing up, saw this had a negative impact on them. They fear that the same thing might happen to their children, so they would rather have one. 
 
In most cases, these have not had the courage to deal with their past. One’s past could answer why they have only one child. Parents with lone children are prone to pampering and later spoiling them. Lagarit advises that these children should be taught that they are not the centre of the universe and they are just like other people. “They should be allowed to make decisions and mistakes because these will help them grow and learn,” says Langariti.
 
“When a child is born, they are like a blank cheque. It all depends on how the parents fill the cheque in terms of what they do and say,” she says.
 
“I have counselled ladies who are devastated because they cannot mother any biological children because of abortions they carried out in the past,” says Langariti.
 

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