Plan to avoid fashion blunders

After years of doing Fashion Police, I now find myself understanding why some women are arrested each time they leave the house. Sometimes, you get dressed with good intentions only to get out of the house and realise you just made a terrible mistake. 

As I wrote this, I was desperately trying to conceal my generous cleavage with a sheer scarf hoping that no one would notice. The truth is, when I chose this black and white dress, I thought it was corporate enough for casual Friday. 

But when I sat down on my bed, I was horrified to see half my boobs spilling out. Since I was already late for work, I hastily grabbed a cardigan and scarf to cover up as much as possible. I don’t think I succeeded. That is why if I were on duty today, I would have arrested Keturah and given her 1/10!

Anyway, I have thus come to the conclusion that there are clothes we must never wear to work. If an outfit makes you uncomfortable, just take it off as you might focus too much on it instead of your work. 

This is not the first fashion police incident to have happened to me. There is the day I decided to wear a white, figure hugging T-shirt, but decided to forego the much-needed shapewear. My polite older sister looked at me and said quietly, “You need shapewear.” But I was late and we had training that morning.

I raced out of the house and made it to work just in time, but spent the whole day hiding behind a shawl. It didn’t help that a naughty male colleague kept on pinching my ample upper arm throughout the 30-minute training. 

And in the more recent past, I knew I had an important appointment in the afternoon, but somehow forgot where. Thinking I would be spending all day in office, I put together an outfit that only my colleagues could tolerate. When a phone call at 11:00am reminded me that I was to appear on TV at 1:00pm, I did not know what to do. How could I, the superintendent of Fashion Police be seen lacking in style on TV? There was no way I could go — sorry Emily.

So here are some tips I have given myself and I’m sharing with you now.
-Always check your diary every evening to see what you have for the next day as this will guide you on what to wear. This way you avoid letting people down at the last minute.

-Get up an hour earlier to get ready for work so that you are not rushing. Fashion blunders usually occur owing to poor planning.

-Avoid buying clothing that will always require shapewear. A day will come when you will just not be in the mood to put on that confining undergarment.

-Never wear to work — yes even on a Friday, any ensemble that reveals too much cleavage, thigh or butt. Not only will you disrupt the workplace, your focus will shift from the task at hand to how many people are actually looking at your boobs. Even when no one is staring, you will imagine they are.

-If any item of clothing makes you uncomfortable, ditch it. You do not want to convey low self-esteem by constantly adjusting your attire.

-For my plus size sisters with ample love handles like me, either always wear shapewear or dress in a way that will not make people mistake you for a Michelin tyre advert. 

-The young ladies, who insist on wearing vertiginous heels to work, be sure that you can actually walk in them. You look ridiculous teetering on impossibly high heels and walking as if you are having a dizzy spell.