Dress like his girlfriend, not wife

By Vicky Wandawa

Want to keep your husband? Then Kate Moss, a famous English model and wife, has advice you might want to consider. Do not dress like a wife. She cautions: “Dressing like a wife is just a quick way to lose your husband.”

In an interview with the UK’s Daily Mail recently, Moss is quoted to have said she would never think about sitting down for dinner with her husband at home, without slipping into something stylish and alluring, brushing her hair and applying lipstick.

This routine, she says, was passed on to her by her mother. “A professional woman with a busy life, my mother never came down to dinner without changing into a long skirt and heels.”

Do not brush this off as vanity for, perhaps, the housewife with no corporate job or that newlywed trying hard to impress her husband.

Moss clearly points out that her mother was a busy woman, perhaps the equivalent of an average Ugandan wife, holding a corporate 8:00am to 5:00pm job, with three children.

Comfort Versus smartness
Unfortunately, smart might mean wearing make-up, jewellery and maybe fitting clothes, which might not be comfortable if you want to relax.

So, how many times have you sat down for supper in a hideous night gown, ready to jump into bed as soon as the dishes are cleared and the children are safely tucked in? Or, how many times have you had your supper with that ‘magic’ facial mask that makes you best described as weird, and old head gear to keep your hair in place for the next day?

Mark (not real name), a bank teller, says he cannot tell his wife to be smartly dressed at home, lest a Pandora box flies open. “She dresses like the executive she is at her workplace, so why can’t she do the same at home? Why do others get to see her smart all day, yet I only see her in that oversize kitengi?” The disgruntled husband asks.

However, Timothy Oketta, a salesperson, has a different outlook regarding a wife’s attire at home.

“My wife is a salesperson, just like me, and has to dress elegantly, not forgetting the make-up, jewellery and high heels, which  I consider uncomfortable. At work, it is a must and she has no choice, but at home, she should be comfortable.

“If I want her dressed up, I take her out. Otherwise, she needs her freedom. Work clothes are often not the most comfortable. Excluding worn out clothes, I have no problem with her choice of clothing at home,” Oketta explains.

 What do the women say?
Carol Nassimbwa, an IT assistant who has been married for a year, says: “At home I dress the way I want, because after a long day at work, one needs to relax. There is no need for make-up and dressing up.”

Similarly, Stella Kateu, a researcher, who has been married for a year, says: “I believe I have to always be myself for comfort, especially after a long day at work.”

Do it for yourself
Kateu says on returning home from work, she embarks on housework and preparing meals, during which she has to dress comfortably. She adds that since she does not just sit in front of her husband for him to admire her, why would she dress up after work?

She says sometimes women tire out, trying to impress their husbands, who may not even notice a thing. “After a long day, men, too, are exhausted and want a rest. So, what happens if he does not notice your make-up and attire? Do you get frustrated?” Kateu asks.

She advises: “After work, women should dress comfortably and concentrate on things that make their husbands happy, such as preparing a sumptuous meal, instead of leaving the cooking to the maid. Pleasing him is not all about dressing smartly.”

Emily Muzahura, a news anchor with UBC TV, says: “Looking good keeps the spark in marriage, but it should not be done for the husband. What if I wake up and that love is no more? Will I stop looking good? No way!”

She adds: “At home, I wear comfortable dresses and perfume. Women should be smart, but not in a seductive way, because that is for the bedroom.”

 Experts advise
Ann Asiimwe of Care Counselling Services does not advise extremities such as make-up and heels around the house, but says women should ensure they are smart. “I agree with a man who would tell off his wife about untidiness. For example, going braless in an old T-shirt is very untidy.”

Halima Namakula, a musician and presenter of Akasaale K’omukwano programme on Bukedde TV, which educates married couples on how to improve their sex lives, advises that women should not tire out, trying to be extremely smart at home, but ensure they are natural and beautiful. “Do not wear make-up. If you must, it should be extremely light, maybe lip balm. Let your skin breathe.”

She adds: “Be natural, you would be surprised to discover that men love you better in your natural state. It is rare that a man would insist that you wear make-up at home. And usually, when he  does, something must be wrong with your skin. Do something about it.”

Namakula notes that a nice lotion, scent, comfortable outfit and sandals would do the trick.  “If he insists that you overly dress up, talk to him politely, something like; ‘Honey, I have been wearing make-up and heels all day, I need to loosen up.’  However, take a vacation once in a while and dress the way he wants.”