My husband quarrels and fights for food even in public
Jun 19, 2012
Whenever he tells me to accompany him to a party, I get nervous, fearing an embarrassment. Often times, because of his bad behavoiur, I have become a laughing stock among my peers.
Real life story
I enjoy interacting and spending good time with my friends. But it is not the same with my husband.
Whenever he tells me to accompany him to a party, I get nervous, fearing an embarrassment. Often times, because of his bad behavoiur, I have become a laughing stock among my peers.
On the day of my introduction ceremony, I was left in shock when my relatives told me my fiancée had shouted at the waitress, telling her to add him more pieces of meat. He said it was ‘his day’, therefore he deserved as much meat as he wanted.
When I finally got married to him, I always thought I would try to change his character, but that has not been possible.
Last year, I went to my husband’s village to attend the last funeral rites of my late father-in-law. While I was interacting with my in-laws, our son told me that his father was fighting with a waiter who had denied him an opportunity to be part of the people serving food.
I went to the direction where there was chaos and there he was, struggling to overturn a saucepan full of meat in anger. He said since he had been denied an opportunity to be near the meat, then let every one be a loser.
However, he did not succeed with his mission. He then served himself food and enjoyed it in a nearby banana plantation.
The lady who was seated next to me said: “I pity his wife because she will never manage to change him.”
I thank God that the lady and those she sat with did not know me. My greatest disappointment is that my husband is able to buy himself meat whenever he wants to because he earns a salary. Despite that, his character never changes.
Back at home, whenever we cook his favourite dish at home and we get an unexpected visitor, he picks up a quarrel either with me or the children. The worst case scenario is when he turns guns on the children and cains them in the presence of the visitor.
His habit has affected our relationship and friendship. We no longer receive as many visitors at home as we used to because of the way he behaves in their presence.
I feel so hurt because I have tried to calmly talk to him about his behaviour, but he has stubbonly refused to change.
One day, I fell sick and was operated upon. A few days after my operation, my mother, together with her two friends paid me a visit at home. They arrived home just in time for lunch with us.
When he got to the dining table, he banged it, saying the maid had invited him for lunch, yet it was not yet ready. I knew that his manners had again visited him. I got so angry that I put a bowl of chicken before him as the maid ferried other dishes.
Expert’s view
Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist at Uganda Christian University
In most cases, if a person is greedy, it can either be an addiction, may be a habit in the family or it could also be a response to some thing, which needs immediate action.
If a someone is in such a situation, it is vital to seek counselling from experts as soon as possible in order to find out what could be wrong.
Some times, men become greedy depending on the families they grew up from. Some people grew up in very difficult circumstances, where their parents were not able to provide enough during their childhood.
Also, lack of proper grooming may cause greed. If a person was trained to be patient, he will no find it easy to practice it. Most greedy people are always impatient and they are not content with what they have. They always want to get more because they assume that it is a life style.
However, if the greed turns into a habit, then it becomes an eating disorder, which needs to be dealt with psychologically.
For the first time, he felt ashamed of what he had done and left the dinning table after the meal without saying a word.
Street survey: What would you do if you discovered that your husband is greedy?
Milly: I refuse to hang out with him. If he refuses to change, I also set conditions for me to party with hi. For instance, I prohibit him from serving food and I do it for him.
Also, if I truly enjoy hanging out with him, I train him to get used to small amounts of food, such that his stomach gets used to such small amounts.
However, if he says the food I have served him is not enough, I volunteer my share to him.
Sophie: I am not patient enough to stand that humiliation. If my husband humiliates me like that at a function, I teach him a lesson.
For instance, if he grabs food from the waiter, I slap him and walk away because that habit is very degrading. We then settle the rest of the matter at home.
Ruth: If I discover that my husband has such a habit, I avoid moving out with him. Whenever he requests me to go for a function with him, I feign sickness.
Also, I try to pray about it so that he can change. However, if he insists, I politely tell him that his habit is a humiliation to me. If he does not change, I divorce him.
Sandra: I do not have patience for greedy men. I know a friend who got married to a greedy man. She always quarrels with him at functions when he fights for drinks. If I accidentally get married to such a man, I let go of the relationship because I cannot stick to him because he is not the only man.
Hajara: I first abuse him to make him realise that his habit is belittling. If he insists on the habit, I let go of the relationship in order not to become a laughing stock among my peers.
Kate: If that is the only problem he has, I can ignore such a habit if his pocket is ‘happy’. I make sure that I prepare enough food at home such that he eats a lot and gets satisfied. Also, if he prefers a particular dish, I cook it often so that he always eats it in plenty.
Julia: I just keep quiet and pray to God to change his habit because if you are already married, there is nothing you can do. The only problem is that some men hide their habits during courtship and only reveal them aftre marriage. Otherwise if I knew before, I avoid marrying such a person.
Essie: I ensure that I do not cook his favourite dish when we have visitors at home in order not to get embarrassed.
A nnie:I just let him be. If it is food, I cook enough and make sure he is served first. I can even introduce a self-service idea at home so that he gets enough.
Ritah: I counsel him and inform him that his habit embarrasses me.