Jealous of your partner's success?

Love and jealous are two emotions as different as night and day and one cannot imagine them in the same sentence and yet we constantly hear of people who are jealous of their partner’s success.

 

Born of low self-esteem, this feeling usually starts out as possessiveness, especially when the perpetrator inwardly feels unworthy to have such a partner and wants to keep them dependent on them.

 

It is difficult to detect the jealousy trait in your partner because it is easy to mask, especially in its early stage. 

One cannot know that their beloved depends on them for definition and self-worth. Comments like “You are my world”, “I would rather die than lose you” when often repeated, may be an indicator of increased dependency and should not be taken lightly.

 

Martha Kisaakye, an evangelist, says: “It is very possible for one to be jealous of their partner’s success in a relationship. 

The man who forbids his wife to work may fear that she will earn more than him and meet people of higher class who will lure her away. A woman may not want her husband to succeed because she fears he will have extra marital relationships.

 

Some pin it on the diminishing compliments, indifference to good news or belittling your success. Fiona was an O’ level certificate holder when she got married to Nelson, a certified ACCA accountant. She struggled to pay her way through school and got small contracts to write proposals while she studying. 

 

Nelson started by whining then throwing inexplicable tantrums and did not even attend her graduation ceremony or party. 

If a woman has a man who depends on her financially, she may want to keep control over him, afraid that if he gains some form of financial independence, he will get  other women and forget about her. 

 

She will go to the extent of funding his hobbies just so he can keep his mind off any constructive ideas.

Steven Kamoga, a businessman, says it is a pity that two people in love can harbour feelings of jealous. He speaks of his business partner who set up his wife a business, selling second-hand shoes and bags. When she started making money, he went behind her back and asked her supplier to stop dealing with her. 

 

While she, oblivious of her husband’s involvement, would pour out her woes to him, he bragged about his schemes to his friends. The business collapsed. His rationale? He had realised that she could afford her basic necessities and he suspected she would soon get involved with other men and leave him.

 

“Even though we laughed with him outwardly whenever he told us of his schemes, we wondered among ourselves at his shortsightedness and why he never saw that his wife’s success would have been his success, too,” Kamoga admits.