Why won't a man provide for his family?

 

One of the key reasons responsible for this behaviour is a man’s background. If a man grew up in extreme poverty and he was never sure where his next meal would come from, as a survival mechanism he learnt how to hold on tightly to whatever little he got.

 

Men who grew up under such circumstances never outgrow the tendency of holding onto things tightly. It is normally difficult for such men to provide for their families, claiming they struggled in their childhood, so why should their family expect to lead an easier life? 

 

Poor communication channels too have made many a man abandon his financial obligations to his family. A survey done by Her Vision revealed that many men do not know how much their wives earn and they think it is not manly to ask their wives about it. Some other men said their wives under-declare their earnings.

 

So in both scenarios, the men said, they deliberately stay away from taking care of the family so their wives can use their own money to do so. 

 

Many men claim their wives squander money so they cannot be entrusted with it. Men who call their wives spendthrifts say a great percentage of the money meant for the family ends up being used to buy dresses and shoes instead of food and paying the bills. 

 

Joseph Olweny, a software engineer, recalls the early years of his marriage. “My wife’s wardrobe was bursting with clothes, but she kept buying more and more. I kept reminding her that her reckless spending was denting a big hole in our finances,” he says.

 

 “After pleading with her many times, I decided to cut off the money I was giving her and now she’s in charge of the home, a responsibility she’s not too happy about,” Olweny adds.

 

John Oridi, a counsellor at Christ the King Church, points a finger at irresponsibility as being the reason why some men do not provide for their families.

 

Emancipation too is taking the fall for men not wanting to meet their family’s financial needs. 

“Women always tell us they are liberated and empowered and so can take care of themselves and their children. So, as men, we are backing off because we cannot spend our money on partners who claim they can manage on their own,” says Michael Kakeeto, a 30-year-old lawyer. 

 

Oridi gives a different twist to Kakeeto’s view, saying there are also stingy women who don’t spend their money on anything at home. Such women often claim to be broke all the time.  

Oridi says he has heard women claim their husband’s money

is for the family, while theirs is used to take care of their personal needs. He explains that to counter this, a number of men tell their wives they do not have a single cent to their name and so are not in a position to take care of the home, forcing the women to dig into their pockets.