In defence of champions

 By Hilary Bainemigisha

LADIES and gentlemen, today is your lucky day. It is not every day that you get to communicate with a champion; a Manchester City champion, who joined the club this season and did not wait but finished in a sexy way, at the very end — if you know what I mean.

But people do not see this in me. Instead, they are accusing me of prostitution. I once said football fans, who easily switch clubs because their favourite one is failing to win, should not be trusted with love because they are not dependable. So, some Man U fan quickly pulled out this archive and questioned my fidelity. And behold my explanation.

My love for Arsenal was genuine until I discovered that the two of us were not pulling in the same direction. It started when I was still in Japan and used to support a football team called Nagoya Grampus Eight because of a reason I will tell you immediately. How many of you know what Grampus means? And which schools did you go to?

Well, Grampus is a type of Dolphin which mates almost like some humans; slow romance, and building up into the final ecstasy similar to the two goals Man City scored to lift the Premiership.

I can tell you this because you have never seen Grampus and cannot oppose me. I can also say there are many humans who should go to the Grampus for lessons. But that is not my story. Grampus was coached by a Frenchman called Arsene Wenger.

When he left for England, he took my heart with him and, with it, managed to win the league and cup double in 1998 and replicated the achievement in 2002. In 2004, Wenger became the only manager in Premier League history to go through an entire season undefeated.

But soon, I began to fall out with the club’s spending policy.

 In this world, it is probably only my wife who will say I am a miser. All other women still confuse me with Sheikh Mansour, the owner of Man City. When I have money, I spend on investments without fear or favour. I don’t milk cows I don’t feed and neither do I feed cows I don’t milk.

But when Arsenal started to feed us on roadside chips and chicken, I refused because I knew better hotel menus with courses some of you have only heard about. I picked my transfer forms; my spending policy was clashing with the club’s priorities.

That was actually before the season started. I went to Man City because some lady had compared my lavish disposition to that of Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan, the man who has invested £1b (about sh4 trillion) into Man City. If you have ever heard of the saying about birds of a feather, you know the rest of the story.

Great love must be loyal in happiness and sadness but it must also be genuine. We fall in love for as many reasons as my brain cells but usually, the partner’s first impression plays a big role.

Later, the partner may change (or start showing the real self), overstay their term limits, fail to deliver as promised or the situation (or you) may change making it difficult to keep the love flickering against the wind. Brave are those who realise that you can’t keep planting white seeds only to harvest black children. I quit.

It would be best for love if we all realised we are loved for a reason and remained relevant to that cause. Love dies if not nurtured and we must learn to deserve love not to demand it due to historical reasons. Love that is fulfilling for most of the time is easy to express. To get such love, roll with a partner who fulfils the majority of your dreams.