Think twice before throwing in the towel

 

When do you decide to bring in a third party and who do you choose as a third party to help you out? Do you bring in your children in the situation where a marriage has children?

 

Think carefully and don’t rush when it comes to deciding the fate of your relationship. Whether you stay or go, it will have long term consequences. Exhaust all possibilities before you bring in a third party or you breakup. Don’t think that once you separate, it automatically means divorce. It may just be that you need some time apart, to see things more clearly.

 

There comes a point in some relationships when you are faced with the decision on whether to end the relationship or not. It’s a tough decision to make, especially if it’s a long-term relationship and there are children involved.

It’s difficult to think clearly when fights, abuse and anger overcome you. When you are to make a decision, you need to consider;

 

By doing this, you are using a third party to intervene in the situation. Marriage counsellors are available to provide help to struggling couples. Before you decide to move out, go to a counsellor. 

 

Sometimes, it takes the help of a third party to help you get back on track. Talking to friends and relatives may not always be constructive, so it’s best to go to a professional counsellor. Your counsellor should be able to guide you in making the best decision for you and your relationship.

 

Sit down and think before involving a third party. Most relationships can be saved, even those that have been tested by infidelity, as long as there is a willingness from both parties to make it work. It can still be saved if you both want it to. 

 

However, if you have feelings of indifference towards your mate or if one of you want to quit the relationship, then it may be time to move on.

 

Even feelings of hurt and anger signify that there is still love in the relationship. On the other hand, indifference or when you feel like you don’t care about the other person or what happens to the relationship anymore, means that it has run out of steam.

 

To be on a safe side, move out before involving a third party if your spouse turns violent. You need to remove yourself and your children from the situation. If you decide to work on the relationship or seek professional help, it’s still best to be apart for a while because your safety comes first.

You have to consider prayer before taking up a step. God could act as your third party to put things right. Take your time before making a decision. Breaking up is never easy.

 

Don’t make a decision in the heat of the moment, but rather make a choice when you are calm and centered. This way, you will make a rational and well-thought decision, instead of something borne out of impulse.

 

 Assess if there’s still enough right reasons in the relationship to work on. If you take away the constant bickering, do you still have enough common ground to work on with your mate?

 

Do you still have common goals and shared dreams? Do you still want the same things together even if you have no children? If the answer is yes, keep working on it. If the answer is no, you may have to accept the fact that it’s time up. 

 

Don’t stay because of financial security, for the sake of children or because you are afraid that you are too old to get another partner. 

 

Harrison, a businessman, says a third party can come in when you have tried your best to counsel your spouse, without any results. 

 

He thinks children should be left out of the bickering. In most cases, they can easily take sides, which is dangerous for he parents. 

 

Okello, a teacher, says: “Involving in a third-party should be done when the relationship has gone bad.”

Talking to a trusted member of your spouse’s family would help. For instance, if it the lady, you could talk to her aunt, Okello opines.

 

Edith, a stay-at-home mother, thinks a third party may worsen the situation by spreading rumour about your differences. “You cannot trust people. It’s a commitment you took together, so you have to abide by it.” She thinks children should never get to know their parents’ differences because it would paint the parents in bad light before them.